Look Who's Coming to Dinner, or The Fro-Zen Cho-Zen

The sweaty Andrea stumbled into the dense jungle. After aimlessly wandering for an hour, she spotted a large bonfire and headed toward it. Squatting around the fire were three bulky, robed, hominid tigers. Their collective gaze rose to meet Andrea.

"Who are you?" she asked.

"We are the Fro-Zen Cho-Zen," the foremost of the three feline figures said. "We have a covenant with the pirates: they provide us with castaways in various stages of being done---"

"Being done?" Andrea asked.

"You know: not done yet, medium, and well done," the leader said. Behind him, one of the other three of the Fro-Zen Cho-Zen began pulling out various kitchen utensils from his robe: a butcher knife, several long forks, and salt and pepper shakers. "And undone," it added with a leer at Andrea. "Which is the state in which you find yourself, my delicious and appealing friend."

The third of the three, very craftily, slid around the others and behind Andrea. Effortlessly it pulled her arms back with amazing strength and trussed them. It whispered into her ear, "Please tell us you've eaten lots of candy and sweets in your life! They add so much flavor to the roast!"

"But why should the pirates help you?" Andrea asked. The second of the three crawled forward and began to inspect Andrea's boots for the best way to get them off. The tiger's claws were so sharp that Andrea jumped and pulled her feet up, but the one behind her held her so she couldn't back away.

"We have a deal. There's a steady supply of fresh water on this island, which we give them access to in exchange for the occasional plump hostage," the leader said, as he took up a cooking fork from among the utensils and fingered the two tines. He thoughtfully surveyed the girl from head to foot. "Now tell us, do you prefer to be served with white wine or red? To be poached lightly or slow roasted?"

The second one quickly unlaced Andrea's boots and pulled them off. It groped along her bare foot with an iron grip. "White meat," it reported. "These nails are a bit long. I've got a clipper in this robe somewhere." It rummaged in its robes and swiftly extracted a pair of toe- nail clippers. It seized Andrea's bare foot and began clipping away.

"Oh, we can make a nice sauce for a white roast," the one behind her said as it pinched its fingers along Andrea's ribs, belly, and bosom. "Yes, she's got some nice meat on her bones. We'll need dry sherry for a nice gravy. Are you partial to mushrooms, my dear? Or would you like to be served au jus, with shallots?"

"Stop worrying about her toes and let's get her nicely peeled off," the leader said. "Once we see what we have, we can choose the best way to prepare her." With some deft claw strokes, the tiger in the rear quickly removed Andrea's tight dress and blouse, leaving the embarrassed girl in her frilly corset and pink panties.

The one behind her stepped forward, holding Andrea tightly by the arm. Its hand was like a manacle. "She's not over plump, but there's enough there for a good roast." He squinted at Andrea and then patted her belly (which was accented with a nice line of baby fat)with his free hand, showing an appreciative skill. "That's good eating!"

"Oh, I forgot the butter!" the one on the ground exclaimed. It straightened up from Andrea's foot in dismay.

"Don't worry, she'll wait. She's not going anywhere," the leader said. He used the tines of the fork to lower Andrea's corset a few inches. He tentatively poked along her exposed bosom. "Are you tender, Andrea? Do you eat enough fat and sweets to make a respectable roast? Or would it be better to simmer you as a stew?"

"Look," Andrea said. "Don't eat me. I'll make you a deal. I can help you."

"Oh, she's definitely a roaster," the one who had her by the arm said. "Just a bit of slow cooking and careful skill."

"And either way we'll need lots of garlic," the one at Andrea's feet said.

"I'm listening, girl," the leader said. "But speak quickly. You are tender enough and meaty enough to make a good roast, once we bring the butter, and we are dreadfully hungry!" With those words, he licked his chops and looked directly at her.

1. The Fro-Zen Cho-Zen continue their dinner preparations.
2. Lady Andrea makes a deal to save her life.
3. Somebody (or some thing) interrupts the Fro-Zen Cho-Zen.

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