Lord Fred's Speech on the Beach ~OR~ Make Me King/ as We Move Toward a/ New-Old Order
The Never Ending Quest - Episode 33975
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Late one night, several weeks later... Oh, and on the very same beach... Khrusti had just reached the third punch-line of what had been a series of smashingly succesful jokes at the expense of Velus and his mother, when Fred abruptly stood up and addressed the group. Khrusti set aside his props (namely, five coconuts and a shriveled monkey's head) and promptly joined the others where they were seated next to the bonfire."Look at us," the Lord of Suffex began solemnly and with great diction (it's a word, look it up), gazing at each of them in turn. "Look at what we've become...well what you've become, mostly. Well, entirely. We're savages, people. Island savages." He paused to let that sink in. "The blue-assed, dung-flinging baboons that live on the misty heights of Mt. Toothsome have more class and culture than us." (this was actually true) "Khrusti, for instance. Just look at him! Go ahead, stare, it's not impolite. Pitiful, isn't he. Hmmm? Shhhh. Yes. If I didn't know any better I'd say he was a cannibalistic child-molestor from the sweltering jungles! And you, Velus, you are a very, very bad dog-boy! To this day I still catch you licking your balls! And Belboz, by the sixth teet of Berlin, man! I've got one word: abomination. Need I say more!? Well, I've had quite enough obscurantism from the collective lot of you. That's right, obscurantism, it's a word. Look it up. And you know what, folks, it's time for change." Everyone remained hushed, and Fred continued...."Astra and I have deliberated over this extensively during the last few weeks," he paused for effect again, and looked at the princess, "and we've decided to re-establish the old order. Since her and I are of blue-blood, and the rest of you are stinking commoners... you should do all the work. And maybe, I dunno, start calling me 'Your Highness' and bowing when I enter the room, that sort of thing, you know? And the same goes for Astra, being she is a princess, even if of Aqualaria. It's only fair, guys. K? Thanks!" "I aint your serf, sucka!" Velus yelped."I slave away just trying to keep you all entertained as is," Khrusti muttered under his breath. "It's not like this island - or it's inhabitants - gives me very much material! Besides, I already do all the work!" "Silence, my loyal subjects!" Fred proclaimed with an authoritative air about him suddenly. "No, Khrusti, you do most of the work, now I'd like you to go ahead and do all of it. There's a pretty big difference between the two. Let us not sit idily by all the live long night..." From somewhere in the crowd Belboz cleared his rotting throat. Fred rolled his eyes and continued, "and all the die long night... while the moon looms high. I decree that a there shall be an idol made in my graven image, as a first move toward our new... old order, thing. And you all shall worship it and grovel before it in an exceedingly shameless fashion! Okay, so, get to it!""Wait a minute!" Astra protested. "I outrank you by miles, bub! The idol should be made in my graven image!" Fred glowered. "No, my graven image!"
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10/1/2003 6:59:54 PM
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