15 Years Later

The Never Ending Quest - Episode 31915

Mozart played on the stereo. Exotic salt-water fish burbled around in a spacious tank. The air smelled of lavender breeze.

"I assume I was woken from cryogenic sleep for a very good reason." said Rule 802. He was a tired looking, brown-haired, muscular individual dressed in a Hamtaro themed bathrobe, who reclined in a comfy leather seat and sipped a cup of tea.

"Nothing less than the end of the world, my friend." grinned Agent 666, who suspiciously looked like one of the Kiss band members. "Some rather... unusual things have gone down. Your specialty in fact. Things that require your particular brand of unabashed in-your-face cosmic interference."

"Such as?"

"Ard to believe, really." sighed the Agent. "So I'll just blurt it out - the two of us are all that remains of the Corporation."

"That is hard to believe." Rule 802 said. "What exactly happened to everybody else?"

"It all started fifteen years ago, with the war between the Angels and the Demons. Very nasty business - other offices and Champions getting involved, massive devastation in general. The Demons got their butts kicked - completely wiped out - but by the end there were almost no Angels left. Then something attacked and mopped up what was left of them. Something we hastily called Dark Force - and something we would be seeing a lot of over the next decade and a half."

"I see." Agent 802 said, taking a sip of tea. "Do go on."

"Rumors spread that it was this Dark Force that had fomented the war between the Angels and the Demons, who were never too buddy-buddy to begin with. And with the destruction of the two offices Dark Force became... stronger. It seemed to feed on pain, suffering and death - and the Demon- Angel war had produced so much of that Dark Force became practically invincible. Perennial nasties like Flagg and Minestus flocked to join forces with it. But it would only use them up and then destroy them, usually turning them into some sort of mindless puppet in the process. I had the pleasure of killing Flagg myself - but it turned out he was forcibly soul-linked to about two hundred billion people on some of the planets Dark Force had just conquered. They all died because of that, which kinda sucked. And Dark Force just became stronger with every villain and Champion that died. Oh, a lot of the Champion analogs put up some pretty good fights before they went down. I think the total casualty ratio was 1 good guy for every trillion bad guys, including henchmen, villains and supervillains. But it all ended the same way."

"Well!" Rule 802 grinned, putting his tea down on the table. "A sticky wicket indeed! Fortunately, there is a way to kill this pesky Dark Force and put everything back to the way it was. We just need a TARDIS, a group of Champions, and the services of the ancient Weapon whose name was forgotten an eternity ago."

"Nope." said Agent 666. "No more TARDI - they were all destroyed or captured by Dark Force. As for the Eternal Champions - they're all dead, man. We tried to keep some in reserve, but they either rushed into battle anyway, or were assasinated by Dark Force."

"You're kidding! No Champions and no TARDI - this just gets better and better! Just how far has Dark Force advanced in these fifteen years?"

The Agent sighed. "It currently controls 95% of the Multiverse. Or, to put it more succintly, only 5% of the Multiverse is left. The rest is like... some sort of primordial void, rather like in the Bible on the day before creation. Quite depressing, really. Fortunately, there's something about this last pocket of reality that keeps Dark Force from using its full power to wipe it out. But its only a matter of time."

"I see." the Rule said, his eyes developing a strange sort of faraway look. "Then, we're screwed. Done for. Go pack your stuff, fly a kite, get some fast food. Build a model of a Gundam!"

"Are you saying there's absolutely nothing we can do?" Agent 666 exclaimed helplessly.

"Well... there is one thing. One last against-all-odds, damned if you do damned if you dont sort of scenario." the Rule said. "It involves the Laziest Man in the Multiverse, the Female Gunslinger Who's Too Polite to Actually Shoot Anyone, the Happy Cyborg Who's a Little Too Happy If You Know What I Mean, and a Wily, Speckle-Throated, Burrowing Five-Toed Yak."

"You're fucking with me." the Agent smiled.

"No, its true. An actual contingency plan, worked out for just such a situation. Of course, it only has about a one in a million chance of succeeding. But at this stage of the game, its the only one that can work."

"Oh, indeed." the Agent said, his smile suddenly widening to an unnatural extent. "I do have to thank you, Rule 802."

The Rule noticed the rather startling change in the Agent's facial expression and sighed. "Oh, crap. So, I assume you've been lying to me the whole time just to find out what I know?"

"What I told you is the truth." Agent 666 said in a deep, growling voice. "The Corporation is indeed no more. I rule the Multiverse now. You - and this shell - are all that's left of your once-proud kind. And now - I present to you the final act of the greatest tragedy ever told!"

A burst of dark energy shot from Agent 666's mouth, obliterating the Rule down to the last atom. The Agent stood up smiling. "So... the Laziest Man in the Multiverse, eh? Pathetic. Truly pathetic. Still, he sounds more dangerous than the other three. I will begin my search with him. This shell will yet come in handy. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!"

Laughing, he kicked over the coffee table, spilling Rule 802's tea everywhere. Then the possessed Agent disappeared.

Mozart played on the stereo. Exotic salt-water fish burbled around in a spacious tank. The air smelled of lavender breeze.

And then, its creator gone, the pocket dimension crumpled in on itself and vanished forever.

  1. Meanwhile, on Evanescence 4, homeworld of the Wily, Speckle-Throated, Burrowing Five-Toed Yak...

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9/2/2003 6:10:00 PM

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