Chaos Strikes

"But how can we not sleep!" protested KR. "We're here for at least 20 hours!:

"QUESTIONING DETENTION POLICIES IS WORTH ANOTHER 19 HOURS OF DETENTION."

"Oh dear," said the Doctor. "Well then. I suppose I'll just have to sing. 'And did these feet in ancient times...'"

"NO SINGING IN DETENTION."

The Doctor glared resentfully at nowhere in particular and began to hum an extremely annoying song which no one else could place. For about thirty minutes, nothing else happened. The Doctor's companions and archenemy sat and stared, desparately hoping that something would happen soon.

When it happened, no one was prepared for it. It began as a strange tingling feeling of uneasiness, a vague feeling that something was wrong. It grew into heart-pounding fear, to which even the Doctor was not immune. Everyone realized at about the same time that this must be one of those "chaos events," although they didn't know what made the Doctor guess one would arrive. And then...

Everything changed.

In vaprous form TW rose into the air, and the wind blew him Westward. He found himself passing over an arid, rocky plain, and he realized you could never have crossed it in his solid form. Finally he saw trees below you, and he knew--although he didn't quite know how--that he was passing over Snoggia, the valley of the aardvarks. And then the trees were gone, and he was flying over Cerebius, the Aardvark Capital. Clearly a Dave ASim reference--this episode was probably written before he went of on that whole mysogynistic tangent, he reflected. When he saw the tall spires of the royal palace ahead, he slowly let gravity take hold of him once more. In incorporeal form, he found it was child's play to pass through the solid walls of the palace, creeping him out to no end, and found himself in the Aardvark King's audience hall. There, invisible, he was able to watch what goes on.

What was going on was this: the Aardvark King, regally seated on his golden throne, was passing judgment on five prisoners who are guilty of conspiring against the Lord of Earth-Pigs. The five were surrounded by big ugly guards (who looked as if they might have some wart-hog blood in them) and did not look happy. In stern tones, the king addressed the prisoners: "For plotting the murder of our royal self and the usurping of our mighty throne, you are found guilty of high treason, and are sentenced to have your heads cut from your bodies and placed on spikes high over the palace walls as a demonstration of what befalls traitors. May God have mercy upon you, for I have none."

Since he didn't seem to have a body, TW realized, there didn't seem to be much he could do here. Or was there?

For several minutes, KR was too disoriented to take in his surroundings. He found that he was now in a large Neoclassical mansion. Two men (whose names he found were Bob and Henry) seemed to be having an animated discussion, ignoring his presence.

Now, the discussion was shifting to epistemology. They were discussing the issue of how it is possible to come to know facts about the world, when everything we can perceive is just, by definition, our perceptions -- phenomena.

As they were discussing this, the servants remove the fish course, and prepare for the next course. KR, meanwhile, pondered his next course of action and braced himself for the inevitable jarring change.

And it came soon enough. A horde of enraged servants weilding carving knives lunged at them. Bob and Henry grabbed serving platters and attacked the servants. Before TW could do anything, however, they had beaten the servants back. They now settled down and join in the conversation.

The Master braced himself to attack, preparing for any dangers that might lie around him. But there didn't seem to be any. Instead, he found that he was sitting in a comfortable throne surrounded by a crowd of nude women who were gazing at him in awe and desire.

"What manner of idiot wrote this episode?" shouted the Master. "I have no interest in these things!" He took out his death ray (which he somehow had on his person again) and incinerated a nearby maiden. Surprisingly, none of the others seem to notice.

"What is the meaning of this?" the Master queried a nearby lithe redhead. "What are you doing here?"

"You're the King of America, darling, and we're your harem," she responded adoringly. "You were crowned king when you killed that nasty KGB man."

The Master smiled wickedly. King of America, indeed! He might actually get to like this scenario...

Ragan shook off her disorientation and looked around her. She was in a medieval-looking town, complete with charming cobblestone streets (covered in horse dung) and colorful local townfolk (none of whom have bathed in recent memory). Next to the inn on her left was a blcksmith's shop, from which came a horrible banging and clanging. To the right of the inn was a stable. Across the street was a church. The whole thing seemed very familiar to Ragan somehow, but she couldn't place why.

Well, it didn't look like there was any way to get to the high school from here. Ragan decided that she would probably be safest in the church--she could always claim sanctuary. But as she entered the gothic building and the massive doors slammed behind her, she realized that this church didn't seem to be that of a, well, BENEVOLENT denomination. Flames shot from everywhere, the few people in the pews were...ZOMBIES!, and the cross was upside- down. An imposing man in a black robe was at the altar, upon which rested a recently sacrificed woman. The dark priest looked up at Ragan and said, "So, another one to join our congregation? Welcome!" Thirteen monks, faces hidden by their shrouds, emerged from behind the hanging cross and proceeded toward her. Perfect cheesy Doctor Who material, thought Ragan. What am I going to do now?

Dayanara, once again dislocated, felt a spasm of fear run through her. She fought hard to calm herself, remembering her training, but her mind swam with visions of her past life and her mission, still uncompleted. Eventually, she opened her eyes. She found herself in a tastefully decorated room with a table and a woman in the center. On that table was an otherwordly crystal. The woman stared at her and said "Be thy male, female, or other?"

"Why, I am a woman," replied Dayanara, uncertain what was expected of her.

The lovely figure on the cushion leaned over and begins to spin the crystal on its pedestal. "Daughter of Eve!" she intoned, twirling it faster. "Come now to see your destiny. What must you know?"

Although the room was not well-lit, the flashes from the crystal were quite blinding. She stilled her soul, pondering which of the many questions that were in her soul she would ask.

The Doctor found himself in a place that sounded like a living hell. Strange whistles and screams emanated from all around her, and he could smell the sweat and practically feel the pain. Then, he realized it was just gym class.

Well, my gamble paid off, he thought. The chaos energy transported me out of the detention--and in a perfect place to ferment discontent, since there's so much of it.

1. But what of the others?

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