Andrea's Conversation with Her Dinner

Andrea looked warily at the lettuce. "Be quiet. You're just a product of my imagination," she said.

"No, the stag just thinks that because he's insane. He used to be Charles the First, king of this castle, before everyone else killed him for being annoying. They tried to behead him, but then he walked and talked half an hour after his head was cut off. So then, the court wizard turned him into a stag, killed him, roasted him, and cut him up, and everyone else had him for dinner. He always manages to come back somehow, though, so he has to be killed every day. The humans here ate him for breakfast every day for months before they all disappeared. Now the robots have to kill him, and he just lies here without being eaten. It's sad, really. No one eats us anymore."

"Wait, you mean you want to be eaten?"

"Of course!" said a nearby chicken. "It's the destiny of us animals and plants to be eaten by you humans, just as it's the destiny of you humans to be eaten by the Big Nasty Monster of Sharp-Toothiness. Only we complain about being eaten much less than you do."

"Wait, the Big Nasty Monster of Sharp-Toothiness?" asked Andrea, alarmed.

"You'll know it when you see it. Trust me," responded the lettuce. "So what brings you here? You think you could, you know, eat us?"

"Um, no. I'm looking for the Golden Dishcloth of Righteousness. Would you have any idea where it is?"

"Nope. I wouldn't know what happens to the dishes when I'm not on them. Ask them."

"You mean the dishes? OK." She walked over to an empty plate. "Mr. Plate, do you know where the Golden Dishcloth of Righteousness is kept?"

The plate didn't answer. All the food around her burst out laughing. "A talking plate? Whoever heard of such an absurd idea?" mocked a boar's head. Everything else joined in its derisive laughter.

1. Andrea leaves in disgust.
2. Suddenly, something enters the room. It's the Big Nasty Monster of Sharp-Toothiness! Agh!
3. Andrea couldn’t help but join them in their laughter.

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