Fred's Funeral

The Never Ending Quest - Episode 28647

Perhaps the insanity of the place was starting to seep into Astra. Perhaps it was just that her curiosity had got the better of her, and she wanted to find out what a flush toilet was. At any rate, she raised no objection to the strange method that was decided on for the disposal of Fred's mortal remains. "But we must have a priest to conduct a proper funeral service," she insisted.

"Luckily we have a Father O'Flaherty staying here at the moment," Lil said. "I'm sure that he will be happy to do it. Go and fetch him please, Phil."

"Will he be familiar with the Allarian funeral rite?" Astra asked.

"I'm sure that he will," Lil reassured her, crossing her fingers behind her back.

Father O'Flaherty turned out to be a stout, ruddy-faced man from a country called Hibernia in some alternate reality or other. He stood in the toilet cubicle, with everyone else standing just outside, and conducted what they all agreed was a fitting and very moving funeral service, even though none of them could understand a word of it. This was because the service was in a language that they had never even heard of, apparently known as Latin.

When the Father had, with due ceremony, finished flushing Fred away, he said: "You'll be having the wake now, I presume? Where I come from, it's customary to invite the priest."

"What's a wake?" Velus asked. He had bathed and been provided with some clothes in time for him to be present at the latter part of the funeral, and now he looked (and even smelt) quite presentable.

"It's where all the dear departed's friends mark his passing in the way that he surely would have wished, by drinking themselves into a stupor," the priest explained. Everybody agreed that this sounded like an excellent idea. It would provide Fogeno with the opportunity to make use of his free round, too.

Lil looked at a grandfather's clock standing against a nearby wall. (With Will still rather out of things, the responsibility for running the inn had largely devolved on her.) "Goodness," she said. "It's a quarter past six already. What with the business of the funeral, we've forgotten to open the bar. Mr T and Astra had better dash off and see to it, and the rest of us will join you in ten minutes time."

Soon the wake was in full swing. For his free round, Captain Fogeno insisted that everyone, including the bar staff, should be given a double measure of the finest Hespanish navy rum. Subsequent rounds were paid for by the deceased, since a substantial number of gold coins had been found in his pack.

  1. Astra made sure that she did not over indulge. As the barmaid she felt that she ought to remain sober.
  2. Astra soon began to feel very friendly towards everyone. "I'm shorry I wash mean to you," she told Fogeno. "You can call me Melonsh whenever you like."
  3. Fogeno was still feeling sore at Astra. She didn't notice him slip a powder into her drink.

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JH

5/27/2003 1:48:32 PM

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