Death: a philosophic review

Fred unsheathed his sword while Velus peed in his pants, the maiden tried to look ferocious with her claws extended (but this was diminished by the fact that she was chained to the wall).

The gnome laughed. "You can't hurt me Blunderpuss!"

"Oh no?" said Fred ready to slice, dice and cut up the little creature.

"No!" said the little creature. "I'm already dead! BWAHAHAHAHA!" He laughed and laughed and laughed, and his right ear nearly fell off from the shaking! "I am but a lowly servant of the Great and Mighty Gnome King! We are the last remnant of the Googleheim Tribe of Gnomes who ruled these mountains undisputed for... well, a long time."

"But the Dragon is the Great Beast of the Shreken," said Velus, forgetting his fear for a moment.

The gnome spat upon the ground in disgust. "I spit upon this ground in disgust," he said. "The Dragon is an usurper! We were the rulers here once, and when the furry claws of Death came upon us we chose to become undead rather than die and roll over like a bunch of serfs!"

"Hey!" said Velus hurt by that remark.

"Wait a minute," said Fred. "The furry claws of death?"

"Yes," said the gnome.

"Death has no fur, nor any claws," said Fred. "Death has tentacles, lots of tentacles, and suckers, and a great bulbous--"

"Actually," interrupted the maiden. "Death comes as a woman warrior, bedecked in the finest metals that the Gray Smithies can forge. Her helm is formed from the cranium of the Grand Elk and its horns rise out of the metal casing as if they grew from Death's very head."

"No, no no," said the gnome. "Death is large, larger than any gnome. It has fur all up and down its body, and a great big tail. It has claws for hands, and claws for feet, and its feet are long so that it can jump and pounce and devour its victims."

"You two are nuts!" said Fred. "A woman and a... a bunny rabbit?!? Death is neither!!! Death is awesome, awe-inspiring! Man came from the Sea and Man shall return to the Sea, and so Death comes from--"

"Ignorant man," said the maiden. "Death is a woman who comes--"

"Stupid humans!" said the gnome. "Death is a furry--"

"Idiotic fools!" came a voice from behind the quarrelers. "If you so desire to know the true nature of Death than I shall be more than happy to help you!!!"

1. Who or What is behind them? Why did the undead servant of the undead Gnome King come to them? Where is Velus (he's been awful quiet)?

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