Lot's First Guest: Astra - Trash talking and France bashing!
The Never Ending Quest - Episode 26398
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"You've seen her appearing in numerous critically-acclaimed threads,"
Lots announces enthusiastically, shuffling through a deck of blue
cards, "the full-breasted, athletic, and arguably most popular character
in the Never Ending Quest; Princess Astra of Aqualaria!" On cue, the band begins to play a jazzy remix of Back Dat Azz Up by Juvenile, as sparkly green curtains lift to reveal a naked goddess of a woman, noneother than our own warrior princess. The crowd goes into a warm chorus of applause, which is digitaly enhanced, of course. She gracefuly strides across the stage, and is greeted halfway by Lots, who warmly embraces her...for about thirty seconds. This is a little tasteless, but nothing the editing department can't handle. She finally pulls herself free from Lot's desperate embrace and takes a seat on a chair between Lots and Sir Josh. "Princess Astra!" Lots beams. "Good to see you! You look great!""Thanks," Astra smiles. "It's great to be here!" "So how are you doing!?" Lots asks, taking a sip of some mystery- liquid in a blue mug. "I know you've been a busy woman lately, it was hard enough booking you on the show!""Oh yeah," Astra sighs, "I just got done doing a promo for a thread where I..." "Wow! Great!" Lots shuffles through some more cards. "So here's the thing, Princess; I'd feel, I dunno...wrong, if I didn't ask you the question that's on everyone's mind...""Oh?" "Are those ripe melons of yours real...or WHAT!?"The crowd goes into a wild fit of laughter, only fueled further by Josh spewing his slurpee all over a stage-hand. Astra is simply too appauled to speak."I take that as a yes!" Lots cackles. "Them jugs are the real deal! HA! SO, moving on. Isn't Josh a friggin nerd? I mean, c'mon. HA! Whatever, right? HA! So do you think I'm hot or what!?" Astra makes a face. "Why, I never!""Sure ya have!" Lots smirks. "I've written most the episodes where you HAVE! HA! So would you shack up with me, you piece of choice tenderloin, or what!? I mean, c'mon!" Josh spits up his slurpee again, this time showering an audience member, sending them into another wild chorus of guffaws. "So, moving on to international politics," Lots continues. "What do you think about Iraq, Princess?"Astra shrugs, then notices a stage director pointing to teleprompter. She reads the appropriate response the screen gives her: "Them fireworks Bush gave us were shore pretty, but we got to pay for the war somehow. Pave it over and make it a giant Conoco gas station. Sell oil to those hypocritical European neo-nazi bastards for jacked up rates." A number of hoorahs are sent up from the crowd, followed by the biggest applause of the night.Lots shakes his head, chuckling. "What about France?" "They don't even use deodorant over there," she reads. "Nuke em till they glow and then rename the country to simply: 'Freedom'. Use it as a nuclear waste disposal sight, in place of New Jersey and Nevada." Again, a hearty applause.
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Ib (the opinions expressed in this episode are not necessarily those of the author's)
4/22/2003 10:48:41 PM
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