Stephen Allar, Mentally Unstable Author
The Never Ending Quest - Episode 24590
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Stephen Allar was, to put it simply, not a very functional man. Some
people take drugs to mess up their minds; Stephen took them to get
somewhere back to normal. By his last count, he was on three anti-
depressants, two erectile dysfunction drugs, a flatulence-reducing wonder
pill, and two vitamin supplements, not to mention ginseng, echinacea, St.
John's Wort, and that cough syrup he swore had a narcotic in it. This
combination would probably screw most people up, but for Stephen, it was
just business as usual.
Stephen would have been committed to a mental institution long ago, were it not for two things: the strange mixture of drugs that, for reasons science had never been able to discover, allowed Stephen to get a small grasp on reality; and his amazing ability to faithfully replicate his unbounded imagination in words and pictures, which also gave him a hefty sum of money. One of the many little-known secrets about Stephen was his so-called "Lay List," a list of every woman he'd like to - well, you know. Most of the women on the list were unattainable, even (or perhaps especially) for Stephen: A-List celebrities, fictional characters, girls he'd known in high school who had issued a restraining order against him...you get the idea. It was no exercise in logic to guess that the woman at the very top of his list was Mistake, the crime-fighting superheroine of New Amsterdam who happened to also be his best-selling creation. Knowing this, it was not farfetched to assume that the number two woman on the list was Stacy Jones, the woman who portrayed Mistake at all the comic book conventions and was set to provide the voice of Mistake in the cartoon television series once a network bit on the idea. She was also, by sheer coincidence, the only woman on the entire list that could have possibly fallen into the "attainable" category. He was working on his next project, the first full-length non-graphic novel about Mistake, when his secretary ran into his office, breathless, screaming, "Miss Jones! She's lost it out there! She's going insane!" Stephen's face turned into an odd, little smile. "I'll take care of her." The secretary cowered behind his desk, and Stephen walked through the door only to barely miss being speared by a flying ballpoint pen. "You! Tell me what is going on here!" "Stacy, Stacy, it's Stephen Allar. If you'd just calm down" - he ducked as a ceramic mug hit the wall above his head and smashed into exactly thirty-eight pieces - "and stop petrifying my secretary, perhaps we could sit down in my office and discuss this like rational human beings." Which, of course, was impossible, since Stephen was never exactly completely there, and Stacy was anything but rational. After a few more words of coaxing and a few more shattered objects, Stacy finally entered Stephen's office and sat down, while the secretary immediately ran back out to piece back together her desk. Stacy noticed on his desk calendar, that it clearly said "2:30 Stacy Jones" for presumably today's date. The clock on the wall showed 2:38.
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unknown adventurer
1/11/2006 12:38:05 PM
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