More Evil Than the Dragon

The Never Ending Quest - Episode 20234

"But that can wait... for now," Astra smiled. And pretty damn seductively Fred thought. "So, uh, if we're not going to go kill Shoggoths, what exactly are we going to do?" Fred asked with his best 'Hey There' grin. "Why that should be obvious," Astra (who actually didn't have any seductive thoughts at all on her mind regardless of what that horn-dog Fred imagined) replied,"we gut the Dragon and loot the place." And with that Astra walked over to the carcass of the dead dragon and started gouging out its eyes.

"Oh," Fred mumbled disappointedly and then took a look around the place. Treasure was everywhere, enough gold and jewels to make him the richest man on the entire planet. But right now that wasn't the most important thing on his mind. There were other matters. Much more important matters. "Hey! Look! A king size mattress!" Fred exclaimed and pointed it out to Astra.

"Not on your life, buddy," Astra said without even looking at him.

"Oh, alright then," Fred sighed. "But if you won't help me test out the bed springs on that baby, then you must help me defeat the evil Shoggoths! And we don't have a lot of time. Even as we speak my evil twin is on his way to bathe the Blue Flame of the Shoggoth with the blood of the Dragon and that will awaken the mighty and terrible Fifth Shoggoth and that will mark the beginning of the end of all of Mankind!"

Astra, busy pulling the Dragon's gall bladder out of the oozing slash she'd just put in its side, didn't respond at first but, after she'd stood back up and wiped her puss and blood covered hands on a bright pink towel she carried around for just these kinds of situations, she nodded her head and agreed. "You are right, strange knight. What was I thinking! Oh yeah, now I remember, I was thinking of the fame I'd get once I returned to my people with proof that I'd killed the Dragon, and how rich I'd be if I took even one millionth of the stuff just lying around down here. Silly me."

"Well then, fair lady," Fred grinned, "my name is Frederigo D'Honaire, Knight of Allaria and ex-Shoggoth! How do you do." Astra shrugged her shoulders, "Eh, I've had better days. And by the way, my name's Astra, Warrior Princess, heir to the throne of Aqualaria and 9 year straight winner of the 'Miss I'll Kick Your Butt If You Think I'm That Kind of Girl' contest. At your service." Fred bowed to Astra - in part because she was a princess and in part because he really didn't want to shake her hands. And then the two heroes were off!


Down into the bowels of the evil caves they made their way, Fred following the strange smell left in the wake of his evil double, the Fourth Shoggoth, the thing that had hidden inside of him, dormant but growing, since before his birth. The thing he now knew as... EVIL FRED!!!!

But when they turned a sharp corner they suddenly stopped in their tracks. For there before them stood a motley group of colorfully clad monsters. Fred bared his teeth and growled, "Oh how I hate clowns!" Astra stared at the baggy suited, funny wigged, grease painted monstrosities and added, "Especially evil clowns." Fred glanced at her and replied, "They're all evil, Astra. They are all evil."

And then the leader of the Evil Clowns waddled forward a bit and waved at them. "Hello there human scum, my name is Porno the Clown. And I'm going to kill you. This is the Domain of the First Shoggoth. You cannot enter. You will die now." And then Porno reached into his baggy pocket and squeezed the large plastic bulb hidden there. A jet of acid then streamed forth from the oversized daisy pinned to his lapel. Fred though was no fool and was ready for the attack! He jumped to the side, grabbed onto a nearby stalagmite, swung himself around, twirled into the air, and came crashing down onto Porno with a resounding crunch of the evil clown's bones. And then Fred jammed two fingers into Porno's eye sockets until they smooshed around inside of the clown's brains.

"EEEEEEK! That Bad Man killed Porno!" a clown voice cried out. It was Merrybelle. "Someone get Bozo! Quick, go get Bozo!!!" Merrybelle cried out.

"Now Astra, while we have them demoralized," Fred yelled behind him. "ATTACK!!"

  1. Fred and Astra vs. the Evil Clowns!
  2. Unfortunately, Astra was not so wise to the ways of evil clowns as Fred was and she's now a melted puddle of flesh and bone thanks to Porno's acid squirting daisy.

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WolfRun

7/22/2002 5:33:16 PM

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