Once Upon A Time

The Never Ending Quest - Episode 1844

Once upon a time there was a King. He was a happy king, with a happy family to love and a happy people to protect. His name was Natthias and he ruled the happy Kingdom of Ethiopia.

But one day his daughter disappeared. They searched and they searched but she was nowhere to be found. The happy King was now terribly sad and the happy people cried and cried. The sad King, having lost all his happiness, left his shiny throne and went to find her himself. But as the days turned into months and the months into years, his sad people begged him to come back. His daughter was in a happier place, they said. And the happy people needed a happy king back on the shiny throne again, or else the awful warriors of the desert would burn all their farms and rape all their women.

This made the sad King mad, but he knew where his duty lay and so, giving up all hope of ever finding his daughter, the mad King picked up his sword and taught those desert warriors a thing or two on what being sad was all about.

The happy Kingdom was now full of happy people again. The once sad King was happy again too, sitting on his shiny throne. He was busy loving his happy family (what was left of them) and protecting his happy land from those awfully bad desert warriors who liked to burn things and hurt people. But then something very un-happy happened. Everyone began to drop dead. This was a terrible surprise and one that most people did not appreciate very much. The happy people (what was left of them) were now very sad. Very, very sad. Very, very, very sad.

And so was the happy King and his happy family. And so they moved. But a funny thing happened on the way to Gilgil. A big ball of unearthly fire detonated in the far off distance. But not far enough. The sad family of the sad King was burnt to ash, or cut up into little pieces by flying projectiles of glass. This made the sad King very, very, very, very mad. Not the kind of mad like before though, rather the kind of mad where they have to tie you up in a straight-jacket and lock you up.

The mad King crawled to the river where he hoped to die and then be reunited with his daughter and his family who were all lucky enough to be in a far happier place. But then, some dirty, scary, ugly people all covered in blood came and took him away instead. They were just as mad as the King AND they also happened to be were-jackals. This was bad. And very sad.

The jackal people prepared a large skillet with parsley and onions and fava beans and little, round croutons that taste really nice when soaked in a white wine. But then, instead of eating him like the depraved, demonic, and deranged devil dogs they were, they bit him and peed on his leg instead. Now the King was a were-jackal too. This made the King very happy. He was still crazy, but then you can't have everything. And the happy King played every day and every night with the dirty, scary, ugly people all covered in blood until one day something happened that made everybody look at him funny.

The King found out his daughter was still alive. This made him anything but glad, in fact it only made him angry (like before, with the desert warriors.) So as I was saying, the King was mad and certainly not glad that something so bad, and terribly sad, could have happened to his long lost daughter. She was supposed to be in a far happier place. What was she doing here?

And so the King, knowing where his duty lay, left the happy were-jackals behind and went off to chase his daughter down. If it was the last thing he did, he was going to send his little Alicia off to that happy, happy, HAPPY place where nothing bad or sad would ever happen to her again.

  1. And the fairy tale continues...

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WolfRun

5/27/1999 5:07:10 PM

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