The brown cow fell from the sky, well actually, not from the sky but from
a tree.
Pritcher's tree exactly, well not exactly. You see, it was
Pritcher's ex-wife's but
Pritcher still owned the treehouse that was built into that great old oak
(just one of the
many stipulations of the divorce contract). What a house it was,
though... two bedrooms,
closets galore, an alchemical room, a kitchen, and even a separated
outhouse (though the
pigs of Megan's farm which was situated next to and partially under the
great leaning
branch on which the outhouse was perched didn't appreciate it much).
"Luke vat you dit!" yelled Pritcher at the Walants guardsman. "You kilt my cow!" "Your cow was mad." "My cow waz not mat!" "Yes it was. It was suffering from mad cow disease." "No it waz not!" "Listen here - don't contradict me - your cow asked me for the time." "So vat? She waz very particular cow!" "She was a talking cow! That is just mad.. or silly.. or both. Either way, I do not tolerate madness." "Ver I come from is not matness!" "Then you should go back to where you come from." And so he did, and all the way he muttered about divorce contracts, ignorant guardsmen, and the utter lack of respect for bovine rights. It was on the third day after Pritcher left that Monty's Hall of Gambling burst into flames. A day later Boshwyn Ringroot found himself sitting in a hall with the other elders. He was fuming that no one saw the truth as he did, that no one agreed with his superior wisdom, and worst of all that no one took his side. "Rush was there," commented Taliman the Secretary of Meetings. "Tell it again." "Right. Ya see, I was figuring on picking door number two instead of door number three, cause, well ya know, everyone knows the odds are better." "Get to the fire," said Elder Hanfast. "Right. Anyhoo, the bells and whistles were blaring, cause, like I said, door number two had--" "The fire!" growled Hanfast. "Uh, yeah, well with the bells blaring in the casino it took a few clicks for us to realize that there were bells going off outside too. It was the smoke that spooked me. The place was madder than a StrawMan rave in Mordnse! Anyhoo, I finally exited that establishment and saw to my astonishment the barn next door totally engulfed in flames. To make it worse, I saw this form rush into that inferno! I saw it with my own two eyes, I did. He walked kinda funny, like his legs didn't work right. He was fumbling around, looking fer something. Then he lifts this gem up into the red air, cries out something like 'Eureka!' and then, poof!, he was gone. Twas magic if my name is Rush Shabot, and it is. And I bet my lifesavings of aluminum that that gem was the magic crystal." "Then," said Taliman. "That man is who we must find. Since we do not know his identity, I say we call him 'Mage X'." Ringroot couldn't contain himself any longer. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no! You expect me to believe, after all these years of sparring with Synizn, that we're looking for a paraplegic wizard with a fire fixation?!!?" "FIRST!" yelled Hanfast, spitting as he did so. "Only you have been sparring with Synizn. The rest of us have been trying to make our little community here work! Second... yes, I do believe we're looking for a mysterious mage who just happens to be saddled with some form of paraplegia, or at least is bowlegged. And third, your paranoia towards Synizn is just... plain... old... hogwash!" "Bear lover!" yelled out Ringroot. "Schitzoid!" growled Hanfast. Ringroot froze. Then his snout-muscles relaxed. "Well, that just... that just hurt my feelings. How is a guy supposed to keep a healthy mental attitude if you're always saying things like that?" "Shut up!" yelled Hanfast. Two demifox bouncers clasped their muscled hands on the shaman and forced him to sit again. "Let's recap," said Taliman trying his best to ignore the shaman and the elder. "First in this ordeal was the appearance of the two half-humans. Next, the female disappeared, then the male. Then Arkas was accosted by the male and the gem was--" "Damn half-human magicians!" spontaneously sputtered Lyn Tuber, an otherwise shy companion to Elder Quince. "Yes, well, um..." Taliman, not quite used to all these interruptions, began to feel a dryness form on the inside of his mouth. "...that was yesterday. Today Synizn decided to make a visit to--" "HA!" interjected Ringroot. "See, I told you, it is Synizn at the heart of it!" "Shut up!" yapped Hanfast. "--a visit to Walants," continued Taliman, the dryness turning to an itch on the left side of his tongue. "But Synizn was seen to patronize only one shop and then fly off on his hor--" "So he couldn't have had enough time to meet with the half-humans!" growled Elder Quince. "Um, yes..." yipped Taliman who felt his whole world crumbling. Taliman had been the official Secretary for years now. It was he who set the agendas, he who controlled the arguments, he who moderated the discussions. This was his world, this was what he expected, this was normal. Today was far from normal. "Well.... uh.... you see.... that is.... even as.... Synizn left... Walants, the fire broke out at Monty's Gam--." "What a bloomin waste!" sighed Rush. "Stop it! Stop it now!" yipped and yapped Taliman. "I can't take this anymore, I just can't do it! No one lets me finish a sentence, not even that gambling son of a vagab--" "Hey, no need to get personal!" yelled Rush. "AAAAaaaaaaiiiiiigh!" screamed Taliman and then ran from the hall. "Well," said one of the bouncers. "Didn't see that coming." "Nope," answered the other. The Elders and the others milled about the hall for approximately three minutes. They were a bit unclear as to how to continue without a Secretary. Elder Quince nudged Lyn who only blushed. Ringroot offered to lead but no one seconded that motion. Finally Tela, the third wife of Elder Scorch said she'd do it. "So here we are... um, looking back at Mister X who--" "That's Mage X, honeysuckle," chided Elder Scorch. "Eh, yes.... Mage X. He's... um, the guy who was last seen with the gem, he's, um... the guy we, well, we gotta get." "Good show," said a few demifoxes at her impromptu secretarial services. "But," continued Tela. "We have no bloomin idea who this guy is!" The demifoxes lowered their heads in worry. "But I figure that he got that gem from the half-human warlock who busted up poor Arkas." The demifoxes lifted their heads in renewed hope. "But we don't have a clue where those freaks went." The demifoxes lowered their heads again. "Or do we??? I figure that they're gonna go to the one SOB who just might hide them away for the night. They may just be headed right to the person they said they were looking for - to Synizn!" "Damn straight," grumbled Ringroot. "So, since many a demifolk saw that no good son of a flea-bitten--" "Honeysuckle!" protested her husband. "You know who I mean folks," she continued. "I figure we all oughta pay that bear a visit and give him a housewarming party he'll never forget!" And with a yip and a yap, a scream and a cheer, the whole assembly rushed out of the chamber halls and to their private and common rooms. They began the preparations needed to make a trek to the woods where the werebear was known to inhabit. And though it wasn't for his reason, Ringroot smiled with glee at the thought of coming face to face with his most hated enemy. Only the two bouncers remained in the hall. "Considering how this meeting started," said one to the other. "I presume that you never saw that coming." "Indeed, good friend, indeed," replied the second to the first. "I do wonder, though. My own insights into Synizn would've led me to believe that a thorough search of every pub-house cellar would've led us to that alcoholic werebear mage. But what would I know, I'm only a bouncer after all." "Yes indeed, my friend, yes indeed."
|
9/3/2001 2:41:30 PM
Extending Enabled
21464896 episodes viewed since 9/30/2002 1:22:06 PM.