Of Peasants and Rabbits

The Never Ending Quest - Episode 16669

So Fred wanders over to the local village, whose inhabitants have been stricken by the plague (which explains the screaming he heard). Most of them are either dead or dying in the middle of the muddy, excrement covered streets. Fred walks over to an old man covered in boils and demands that he either shut up or just die already.

“I’m trying, m’lord,” the man croaks, fawning at him. Fred cringes and backs away. “Death would be a blessed release from my misery,” he goes on. “Indeed I envy the dead.” The he starts screaming in agony again.

“Stop doing that!” Fred roars. “You’re scaring away my friend Slappy McBoingBoing!”

“Slappy McWhoWho?”

“Slappy McBoing...I say, are you alright? Hello?”

It seems the man has finally died. Fred is very relieved.

“The rest of you peasants should follow this man’s example!” he proclaims to the rest of the villagers. “If you’d just quit struggling and let the disease take you I wouldn’t be forced to listen to your incessant screaming! I was having a perfectly lovely afternoon until you all ruined it! You all make me sick!” Not the best choice of words he reflects. Best not to tempt fate.

Having decided he’s stuck around for quite long enough, he retreats back into the meadow where he met Slappy - but not before he steals some carrots from a vegetable cart. “Slappy! Slappy, where are you?” he calls, dangling the carrots in front of him. “Slappy! Come back! Don’t be shy, my furry friend! Oh Slappy, don’t leave me alone in this cruel world!”

But the rabbit doesn’t show. Fred starts sobbing, falling into a pitiful heap on the ground. “WHY!?” he cries. “OH GOD, WHY!?”

  1. In an uncharacteristic move, God explains why.
  2. Fred eventually cries himself to sleep. The next morning, Slappy is nestled next to him, nibbling at the carrots.

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5/31/2004 12:26:36 PM

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