The Death of Lord Fred - With Inspirational Insights by Lots42
The Never Ending Quest - Episode 12636
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Lots removes his glimmering sword from it’s jewel encrusted scabbard and
without batting an eye, lunges at Lord Fred. With a deliberate yawn
Fred sidesteps the assault, bringing his own trusty sword down upon
the now vulnerable Lots.
He lets gravity do the work, as any good swordsman of his era would,
lopping off the
left arm at the socket. Blood gushes in a torrent from the ghoulish wound, but Lots seems to take it all in stride. “Well, that smarts,” he says tranquilly, regarding the knights handiwork. “Damn you and such, Lord Fred. Damn you to Hades you...you...birdbrained buffoon. Oh, and by the way, I’ve decided to rename my ship to the Gmaildotcom. You know, just keepin' things current.” He winks at you, yes YOU. “Keepin, keepin things contemporary and cooooool. You know, just doin what I do.” “Yes, yes,” Fred huffs impatiently. “That’s all very nice. But please hurry up and die like a gentleman.” He raises his sword high into the air before bringing it down upon Lots other arm, again, slicing through it like a knife through hot butter. It flops about on the ground like it's filled with the Holy Spirit. Odd.“I've been smote,” Lots curses. “Damn, damn, damn. Dammit. You smited me again you miserable mongrel. I've been smit. I've been smitten. Smoten. Sss. Sssmote. SSSSsss. Damn you and...sssuch.” “Awwww, that’s nuthin’!” shouts Bert from the sidelines. He kicks at a coconut tree next to his shanty with one of his moldy wooden legs, dislodging one of the coconuts. It falls from the tree and hits Fred squarely on his noggin, killing him instantly. “I’ve lived fer ten long years without any ‘legs’!” the old salt drives on, oblivious to the carnage. “The first one I lost to a shark when me ship went asunder off Caibu durin’ a rough patch. The other I lost in a poker game two months later. Ye don’t need ‘em. They’re just expendable appendages. There’s only ONE appendage I care about, if’n ye catch me drift. Yarr arraararara!” He turns to Fred. “Err...what happened to him?”“You killed him, you jolly wretch!” Lots gushes. “Well done.” A smiles creases the weathered folds of Bert’s scorched face. He had nothing against Lord Fred, but the fact that he killed the buccaneer Lots42's sworn enemy might mean his OWN life will be spared. “I did? Well slather me in whale blubber and call me a stinkfish!” Lots, who happens to be carrying a little whale blubber, does just that. Without any arms. Quite a feat. “You stinkfish,” he says. By now the blood loss seems to be affecting him for the worse. He looks pale as a Scotsman in December.One-Eyed Jack offers his medical services, but his tools look crude and rusty and most of the blades are covered in barnacles.
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7/12/2008 10:52:36 AM
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