Operation Moses

Hoo, boy. The last few days have been exceptionally weird, even for me. And considering how completely freakin' insane my life has been for the past year, that's really saying something. And now it seems I've been appointed to the role of Moses. (Well, OK, maybe 1/5 of a Moses, since there are five of us assigned to the same job, but why quibble?) "Yo, Pharoh, let my people go!" You know, that line's got kind of a ring to it. I'm half hoping the opportunity comes up to use it. Then again, from what I've heard, this Pharoh guy is a real tough customer, so, hey, I'm happy enough to leave him to Sigourney and her buddies.

The really weird thing is, these are my people. Humans. I can't believe it, I'm really back on Earth. OK, well, an Earth. I don't think it's the same one I left. Man, I hope it's not the same one I left, because this place is weirder than the Uncharted Territories by far. I mean, Evil Overlord Egyptian mad scientists and Death Sun devices and giant black pyramids out in the middle of the desert? Next thing you know, it'll be villains quoting Shakespeare. I hate it when villains quote Shakespeare.

Anyway, apparently we're off to liberate us some slaves. Not really how I'd ever figured to spend my honeymoon, but then, I never figured one marrying two alien babes in a ceremony performed by a floating green slug, so, hey.

Operation Moses consists of: me, Zhaan, that weird guy with half a face we rescued from the Gammak base (Stark, that's it), the giant lizard guy whose name I don't remember (I've been thinking of him as "Godzilla"), and the gal who introduced herself as "Betty." She looks way too normal. I keep expecting her to turn into an eight-foot octopus or something any minute, because otherwise there's just no way she fits in around here.

I'm armed with my trusty pulse pistol, Winona, and the lizard-guy has a big-ass sword. Everybody else gets what I'd swear are Star Trek phasers. Hell, they probably are.

"OK," says Betty, as she hands them out. "Now, if you see any jackal-headed creatures -- uh, any creatures with long muzzles and pointy ears -- make sure and use the highest setting." She demonstrates on the phaser. "They're incredibly tough, and stun doesn't do a blessed thing to them." Joy.

"Like Scarrans," says Stark, and Betty nods. He then mumbles something about Scarrans which it's probably just as well I don't catch. These Jackals from Hell sound bad enough already. I check Winona's supply of oil and dial her power up a couple of notches.

Doctor PBS pokes his head into where we're arming up and smiles at us. "Everyone ready?"

I pop the oil cartridge back in. "Sure, why not?" I say. Zhaan looks dubiously down at her phaser but eventually nods, a determined look on her face. Stark grins widely. Godzilla grips his sword and continues looking like a six-foot lizard.

"I think we're ready," says Betty.

"Excellent! The distraction's just left. You should be following about..." He pulls out a pocket-watch, glances at it for half a second, and snaps it shut. "Now!"

1. And we're off...

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