Jogre Tactics

"Don't worry, we're professionals," says Captain Belkinova, walking up behind you and placing her massive mammary milkjugs on the back of your head. They heave and bounce violently, threatening to burst free from the thin plastic of her jumpsuit. "Do you mind, sweetie? These things are heavy."

"Okay," you say. "But, I've never captured these, ah, jogurts before. How will I know what to do?"

"It's all planned out," Lilla says. "Despite its appearance, the jogre is a wily and cautious beast. So we'll lure it out with its favorite bait, and then taser it into a smoking carcass. Our clients gave us the go- ahead, since they can rescuscitate it later."

"Sounds horrible," you shudder.

"It's all for the jogre's wellbeing," Xira says. "Our client plans to clone another jogre from its DNA, so that the species doesn't go extinct."

"Don't ask why anyone would want more jogres," Lilla says. "But in any case, since you're now our new medical officer, we need your opinion on something."

"Oh, sure!" you say, brightening. "I'll be glad to do what I can."

And so, as the crew sets coordinates for Karamja, you begin your own duties. Your first task as the medical officer aboard the Dodo Bird Hunter is to...

1. Surgically remove a pustulent plague boil from Lilmo Rezotba's neck.
2. Handle Hiro Lee's multiple-personality disorder and creeping depression.
3. Find out what is causing Zora Belkinova's rampant exponential breast growth.

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