riddle me this; riddle me that; riddle me with a baseball bat

"Oh no..." Annabeline whispers, sinking to her knees. "No, no it can't be! Was this all a cruel joke? Uh... Ninja Guy! Can you break down this wall with your ninja skills?"

"No, not at my current level of training," you admit grudgingly. "Were there any more parts to the riddle?"

"Yes, but the next rhyme was vague and ominous and had nothing to do with a brick wall!" Annabeline says, on the verge of tears.

"Would you please recite it, just in case?"

"Oh, allright," Annabeline says, clearing her throat. "Four diamonds in the castle field; a wooden sword the Seeker wields; the flaming balls doth fill the air; and Opposition's baleful glare; but lest you run from one to four; you'll never live to see the door."

As soon as she finishes speaking, the floor beneath your feet lights up and you realize you're standing in the middle of a magic circle. There is a strange, slight shift, like floating sideways, and suddenly you both find yourself in a baseball field.

A roaring crowd of strange humanoid creatures lines the stands as annoying, cheerful music blares through a loudspeaker. It looks like the game hasn't started yet. A guy yelling "Hot dogs! Getcher hot dogs 'ere!" pushes a cart right past you. "Wait up!" you say, running up to him. "I'll take four hot dogs... no, make that five, and two cans of Sprite."

"Uh... excuse me... Ninja Guy..." Annabeline says as you pay for the hot dogs. "Do you mind explaining just where we are? Is this the world through the Black Void? The world you came from?"

"Well... not exactly," you say. "But some aspects are recognizable. I really don't understand what's going on myself, but I think we should find some seats."

You and Annabeline climb up and take two seats between two of the weird humanoids, who ignore you. Strange - up close they seem less animated somehow, as if they were animatronic dolls or something. But there's no time for that now. You eat three of the hot dogs in the time it takes Annabeline to eat half of one. "It was delicious!" Annabeline says courteously, although her face has turned almost fully green. "And this bubbly drink is delightful! Are there more like it in your world?"

"Yes, lots more." you say. "I think there's a lot of things about that world you would like. Internet, movies, books..."

"You know, its kind of embarrassing to ask now," Annabeline says. "But what is your name? I can't go on calling you Ninja Guy."

"Oh," you say. "Heh. Uh..."

Your heart sinks. You can't remember your own name! In fact, now that you think about it, a lot of things in your memory seem fuzzy. You find yourself struggling to recall the name of the town you were born when the baseball arena falls silent. A face appears on the overhead cam - the face of Martin Flubberhorn.

You're not quite sure how you know it is him, but the certainty is overwhelming. You've seen this smiling, gray-haired old man somewhere before, and you've called him by that name. Why can't you remember?! You feel dizzy and nauseous from anxiety. Or is it the hot dogs?

"Hello and welcome to the first ever game of Flubberball!" Flubberhorn says happily. "A game designed just for you! The prize if you win? Why, only everything you've ever wished for! But if you lose... muwahahaha!"

You look straight up for the first time and realize blankly that there is no sky. Only void - you don't think you've actually ever seen true Void before, but you're quite sure that's what it looks like.

"Martin Flubberhorn!" Annabeline says angrily, jumping to her feet. "Stop this farce at once! I am the Princess! I command you to give me control of the Black Void!"

"Sorry, my princess," Flubberhorn grins. "But your royal authority does not extend into the realm of the dead. I am not even all of Flubberhorn - only a shade, a servant that exists to see my master's last wishes fulfilled. I will continue to protect the Black Void until all the riddles have been solved and all the challenges overcome."

"I get it!" you say. "We have to get to fourth base in the game - then we can advance to the next riddle! That's easy!"

"Yes..." Flubberhorn cackles. "But because this is Flubberball, things are not as they appear. It takes more than just smarts to gain the Black Void - it takes intestinal fortitude, and the desire to keep moving as well! Prepare yourselves, for the game starts now!"

Sliding doors open at the top of the stairwells, and ravenous howling wolves race out. They're ignoring the other spectators and making their way directly toward you and Annabeline, you realize with dismay.

"Annabeline," you say. "Run!"

"What?" she says, as you grab her hand and leap over the stands, knocking down "spectators" in the process. You finally reach the field and run up to the batter's cage. Both you and Annabeline are breathing heavy. Some of the wolves have reached almost reached the baseball field now as well. You pick up a nearby baseball bat. "Listen to me, Annabeline. We have to run all the way around the field along the white line, stepping on each one of the bases along the way. Can you do that?"

"Yes," she says calmly, but you can tell that she's terrified. You grasp her hand and run. Suddenly a wolf is coming at you out of left field. Annabeline screams. You grab the baseball bat with both hands and swing desperately - hearing a sickening crunch as it connects with a wolf's skull. The animal rolls over a few times and lays dead.

"Not bad!" Martin Flubberhorn laughs somewhere overhead. "But can you make it all the way to fourth base with the Princess? I doubt it! Hahahahaha!!"

That's when a baseball covered with sharp razors slashes across your back. "Aargh!" you say, as more razor balls whip right past you. You bat one away deftly before taking Annabeline's hand and running again. "Keep your head down!" you advise. The two of you race forward, seeing more killer baseballs fly by. Somehow you reach the first base, stepping on it with your tabi, and a female announcer's voice says "Firstu Baseo" in a monotone over the loudspeaker. Just ahead, you see three wolves, growling at you as they circle second base.

"This game makes no sense!" Annabeline complains.

"Don't blame me!" you say. "I didn't make it up!"

"Hahahaha!!" Flubberhorn giggles. "Enjoying yourselves yet, mortals?"

Another razor baseball whizzes past, then another, on fire this time. "Follow me, Annabeline!" you yell, grasping the baseball bat in both hands again, and charging for second base. "Hiyaaa!!" you shriek, half- paralyzed with fear, half no longer in control of your own body. The first wolf to lunge at you gets a bat across the muzzle, the second gets luckily mown down by a flaming razor baseball, and the third leans on his haunches and howls for assistance from his brethren, allowing you just enough time to smash his skull open as well.

"Hey, you're a pretty skilled Ninja!" Annabeline pants, close behind you as you reach second base, which lights up as well. "I have to admit I had my doubts but..."

In the same instant, a flaming razor baseball whips past, a hairsbreadth from Annabeline's stomach, splitting the fabric of her dress and setting it on fire. Annabeline shrieks and falls down, patting at the flame.

"No! Drop and roll, Annabeline! Roll!" you yell, batting away another wolf. Out of the corner of your eye, you can see that tigers and bears are now entering the stadium, and a baseball coated with green acid flies past. This is getting to be too much!

1. Help put Annabeline out and head for home base as fast as possible. You can already see the faint, shimmering magic energy that outlines the portal out of here.
2. Yell "Time Out!" hysterically in an attempt to move Flubberhorn's shade to mercy.
3. The secret sleeping potion in the hot dogs finally kicks in, leaving you both the prisoners of Flubberhorn, who doesn't intend to give up the Void at all.
4. You are rescued as the Arizona Diamondbacks take the field to play against Real Madrid in a game of "Psychoball". Looks like Flubberhorn didn't plan his stadium reservation carefully enough!
5. You are "rescued" by a ruthless interdimensional corporation that specializes in weapons, narcotics and sex slave trade.
6. You are not rescued, and you and Annabeline die a horrible death, slowly devoured alive by wolves, tigers, bears, robot dinosaurs, flame elementals, etc. Talk about overkill!
7. In a sudden realization of your destiny and ancestral connection to the Black Void, you yell "Kyuu kyuu kyuu, noritsyo!" and split the fake stadium in half using Psycho Energy.

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