Of Knights and Cookies
The Never Ending Quest - Episode 93516
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Several hours later saw them delving even deeper into the dank and dreary
depths of the Southern Caves. It had been a little bit awkward at first -
the uh - continuation of the quest, as it were. Fred had shot Belboz
in the eye with a friggin’ crossbow, folks. That’s a pretty big deal. At
first no one spoke of it. At first neither dared. But it’s not like the
otherwise dull and mostly non-existent conversation wasn’t going to
eventually meander back to that bothersome little detail at some point in
their heartwarming little ‘adventure’. Speaking of which... “Ever been shot in the eye with a f$#@ing crossbow before?” queried the old mage, seemingly out of the blue. Or black. Or whatever.“Um...well, nothing comes to mind....Heh....Heh....So, no. Can’t say that I have,” said a reluctant Fred. “Well let me tell you, it sucks.”“Oh?” “Ya. A lot, actually. And, uh. Real asshole move back there. With the troll. It was still a living being, Fred. A being with whom you had made an unwritten but still binding alliance. And what did you do? You shot him in the back, you stupid creep!”“Hey! Who you callin’ a creep, CREEP!” “What’s your problem, Fred? You got childhood issues or what? Moot point, I suppose. Ahem! Deep breath. Anyway....nice crossbow, I suppose, all things considered. Not something you want to be on the business end of.”“Ya,” said Fred, smiling that stupid smile of his as his rage melted away. “It’s the KillTech-xr3000 lite. There were only three made. In the world.” He paused to let that sink in and sighed a sigh of due arrogance befitting the moment. “And the other two have been either lost or destroyed. Pretty cool, huh? Don’t answer. I already know, peasant. I know your answer. For I am Fred.” “Wicked!” the necromancer crooned sarcastically.Fred, meanwhile, had an ear for many things; he had an ear for odd rustling sounds in the underbrush while he was ‘draining his lizard’ (it had saved his life several times), he had an ear for good gypsy music (though he shamefully kept this to himself), he even had an ear for bird songs and other such gayness. He, however, did not have an ear for sarcasm. So instead, ego sufficiently inflated, he decided to respond in a perhaps unexpected way that day. “Look what I can do!” he proclaimed suddenly, nearly startling the mage out of his moldy old boots. With fairly amazing speed Fred whipped his sword out and began spinning it through the air in a deceptively chaotic fashion, creating a deadly vortex of steel that even Belboz had to reluctantly admire. He finally concluded his admittedly impressive display of swordsmanship and, after sheathing his weapon with some over exaggerated and unnecessary motions, boasted, “I’m like....the best knight in the Kingdom. Like, the whole Kingdom. Put that in your little spell book.” Belboz stared at him blankly. “Do you want a cookie?”“Sure!” Fred beamed. “If you got one. Thanks. Perhaps...perhaps I misjudged you. Perhaps I shouldn’t hate you because of your magery. But I still sort of hate you for your creepy, old man smell.” “Look who’s talking, Lord-I-Never-Take-A-Shower! Anyway, here.” He reached into one of the creases of his robes and withdrew a cookie, which Fred greedily snatched up and ate.“Tastes like...mildew,” mused a thoughtful Fred a few minutes later. “I feel weird.” “Well, I should think so,” cackled the necromancer.
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7/14/2011 7:39:24 AM
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