I Am Not Afraid of You and I Will Beat Your Ass
The Never Ending Quest - Episode 92005
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Lord Reaibn and Ben McClellan announce their intention to oppose
Nixon/Flylock in the next election, and their campaign goals are ones that
show that they couldn't care less about being serious leaders of the free
world. Among their many silly and inane promises, Reaibn and Ben promise
to provide free gas every Friday, the immediate return of new episodes of
Mystery Science Theater 3000 to cable, giving every citizen in
America three million dollars to do as they please, the immediate
abolishment of alleged horror/sci-fi writer Nickolaus Pacione, and
shockingly, changing America's national anthem from "The Star Spangled
Banner" to a new song: "Louie Louie" by the Kingsmen. Actually, Ben's first choice for a new national anthem was Cascada's "Evacuate the Dancefloor", but Reaibn had to talk him out of it. Still, the first choice would have definitely made those sporting events quite interesting, right? However, leave it to Ben McClellan to completely wreck the campaign just when he and Reaibn start to overtake Nixon/Flylock in the polls. During what turned out to be their final campaign appearance, Ben took it upon himself to commandeer the podium and begin ranting about what he's really going to do when he's in charge. The first step is legalizing all drugs and releasing all prison inmates in the big house to a treatment center, which doesn't prompt too much outrage in the audience. Next, Ben threatens to introduce laws outlawing private citizens from buying and even owning firearms, which quickly turns much of the crowd (and America) against him and Reaibn. Realizing that he's too far gone to stop, Ben continues, threatening to abolish every school in America and "starting over" so that the future youth of America do not grow up completely ignorant about everything except for how their electronic gadgets work. Finally, after threatening to abolish all organized religion from America, and promising to go farther than Barack Obama ever did in reorganizing America's public health system, Ben is forcibly dragged away from the podium by Reaibn and their campaign team. Unfortunately, Ben fights them off long enough to rush back to the podium so he could threaten to "kick the South out of the Union", and eventually turn all of America back over to the Indians.
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Ben McClellan
1/21/2011 9:14:22 PM
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