Pretty Princess Zombie Killer Josh

Roland Deschain stares in open-mouthed shock. His gun is up and aimed at the newcomer through the car's ruined windshield without the merest vestige of volition on his part, but some unknown instinct prevents his finger from squeezing the trigger...just. "In the name of the Beams, what the HELL are you?" he murmurs through gritted teeth.

"I'M A PRETTY PRINCESS!" screams the lunatic, standing up and jumping up and down on the mangled hood of the car as he turns in a complete circle. "YO, CHECK MY FUCKIN' WINGS!" Roland saw them now, fake wings of wire and glittery stuff attached to the back of the pink fairy dress, flapping in a mechanical fashion. Between them are crudely slung a massive pump-action scattergun and a machete. He nearly fills the newcomer with lead when he reaches behind his back and unslings the scattergun with one hand.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU...!" bellows Josh in a strange breathy lisping croon, squeezing the trigger. A zombie's head explodes in a shower of stinking black gore. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOOOOOO YOUUUUUUUUUU..." He charges over the top of the car, kicking at a zombie that's trying to climb onto the car. This time Roland DOES fire, and that zombie falls, and then another and another. "HAPPY BIIIIIRTHDAY, MISTER PREEEEESIDENT...." croons the maniac, his own gun blasting away at the undead.

Sara leans out the checkout window of the restaurant, an automatic rifle chattering away. More zombies fall. Josh dances through the stream, somehow managing to avoid being hit himself. His shotgun is empty now, and he's got the machete out, chopping at zombies left and right. Roland's fingers know their jobs, reloading his massive revolver almost instantly. He fires and fires until the gun is dry, falling back towards the cover of the restaurant, and reloads. A zombie lunges from behind--before he can spin and gun the undead down, Josh dances by, spattered with gore, his sparkly tiara and fairy dress soaked with gore and his chattery mechanical wings flapping madly, and as he passes the zombie his machete cleaves the creature's head from its neck.

"HAPPY BIIIIIRTHDAY....TOOOOOOO YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU..." he belllows at the top of his lungs, and falls through the door of the restaurant, panting. Roland falling in just behind him. A rotted hand clutches at the door, and Roland spatters its brains for its troubles; the owner staggers back and collapses, and Roland kicks the door shut.

1. Two British guys barrel through the door right behind Roland. One is wearing a 'WHO FARTED" tee and holding a shovel; the other, smaller guy is wearing a tie and holding a cricket bat. 'BARRICADE THE DOOR!" he screams.
2. A drunken, angry Sailor Moon falls from a wormhole in the ceiling.
3. Several people wade through the zombie hordes outside and enter the restaurant. They order food as if nothing strange is happening.
4. Explanation time--what the heck is Roland Deschain doing here, anyway?
5. No, screw that--the more important questions is...why is Josh wearing a fairy dress? Why is he singing like Marilyn Monroe? And why is he busting up the tables and setting them on fire in the middle of the store?

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