Tard Wars
The Never Ending Quest - Episode 90368
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The ragged fleets of barbarian lunatics from Earth are so insane by
Galactic standards that their tactics are completely random and virtually
impossible to predict or counter (no one *seriously* expected anyone to
install stolen mountain-sized hyperdrives on planets like Gamorr and use
them as mobile fortresses and giant planet-sized battering rams--on the
bright side, the Coruscant Asteroid Field was going to make Concordia
Mining Co.'s stock quadruple in value). When the Earthers actually seem to
stand a snowball's chance in hell, the Corporate Sector, seeing which way
the wind was blowing and finally seeing an opportunity to throw off the
yoke of Imperial nationalization, throw their weight behind the Earthers
and begin supplying them with additional war mat�©riel and troops, as do
various Rebel factions and newly-freed planets.
The Empire finally collapses with the final assault on Byss by a disorganized mob of ships late during Month Six; the war seems over for all of a week, leaving Earth effectively controlling a majority of the galaxy. The Rebels suddenly found themselves being edged out by the wild-eyed crazies from Earth in political arenas around the newly-liberated galaxy, and politics in the fledgling New Republic began a frenetic race for the bottom literally overnight. But then the rumors surface about those shifty-eyed bastards from the Lesser Megellanic Clouds, and how they were carpetbagging in stealing jobs from hard-working Earthlings (and since the sons of bitches didn't even HAVE carpets, they had to steal the bags from some poor Earther family, making it all the worse). They didn't drink booze, the number of limbs they had was all wrong. They made that funny whistling noise when they breathed and they smelled sort of like moldy wool socks. Swarthy, untrustworthy bastards with weird accents and funky cuisines. They'd said bad things about Terrans in general. Yep, they were bastards to a non-man, the whole foul-smelling lot of them."Besides," the talking heads in the media reasoned, beating the drums again. "It's 'lesser.' A really small galaxy. Not like that OTHER Megellanic Cloud--you guys are still cool, we're bros. But those five-slant-eyed cheese-eating surrender monkeys from the other galaxy need to go, and this is just the time to do it, and we're the ones to make it happen. Besides, we need room to breathe, room to grow. Lots and lots of room. " The races of the Large Megellanic Cloud, seeing the changing of the wind themselves and knowing a fair amount of history, simply agreed with the Earthers, nodded pragmatically to each other and decided to start making preparations to move to Andromeda en masse. Or anywhere else, really, as long as it was far, far away from the lunatic asylum the Milky Way was fast becoming, and quickly. Their comrades in the Lesser weren't quite so quick on the uptake and were perhaps less knowledgeable about historical trends, and since the ambassadors from the newly-minted Terran Concordiat were quick to assure them that, no, of course there really wasn't a need to be concerned, all the expansionist talk was just rhetoric to please the base and we Earthers just want peaceful coexistence and pleasant relations with all our new neighbors, really, so just calm down and have another cup of coffee, they took them at their word. So they were indeed surprised when the first fleets appeared near their major star systems and began whittling their planets rapidly down to rubble. While the war in the Milky Way had mostly came to a stop, the war with the Lesser Megellanic cloud looked like it was going to drag on for a while. But given the disparity of the forces involved, the outcome was no less certain for that.
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The Living End
10/11/2010 5:29:39 PM
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