Pigeons in the Park

There are numerous pigeons in New York, and you've always fancied a bit of squab. You decide to eat a pigeon.

First, you decide you must fashion a weapon out of some local materials in the manner of the natives. In an alleyway a block from your pod you find a board and some rusty nails (you're forced to fight a schizophrenic bum for them) and with a brick, you manage to drive the nails into one end of the 2X4. Having created your board-with-a-nail-in-it, you fashion a crude boonie rag out of the bleeding bum's underwear and steal his shoes for your own. Now you're ready to go hunting!

You run howling through Central Park with your board, slashing frantically at the pigeons (or in one case, a particularly ugly old lady with a feathered hat). Finally, you manage to kill a few pigeons. You bash them flat with the board to ensure their rapid demise and leave them nailed to one end of the board. Using a broken bottle, you succeed in plucking and cleaning your kill.

1. Now you need a fire. Roast it over a burning hobo like a native New Yorker would!
2. Fuck it, eat 'em raw. Like they do in Jersey.
3. You decide to display your kill for the world to see. You go marching through the streets with your board with birds nailed to it held high.
4. You go to a nearby restaurant and ask if a chef will cook your birds for you.
5. You happen to espy a pretty girl. You fashion the birds' bloody feathers into a crude headdress to try to impress her and invite her to partake of your kill.
6. You reminisce loudly about that time you killed pigeons with a board full of nails with a bum's undies tied around your head.
7. Some cops are coming in your direction. Offer them some dead pigeons.

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