Of Chopping and Dragons -or- The Chopening (Chop, Chop, Chop)
The Never Ending Quest - Episode 89719
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Once more your battle cry echoes through the cavernous cavern. You chop
in a wide chopping motion. You chop the dragon’s tail but the chop goes
awry. His scales are too hard and the knife is a freaking piece of crap.
CHOP! That’s the sound of chopping as you chop away. Choppity choppity,
chop chop chop. That’s how you chop when you chop, chop, chop. Chop,
chop, chop. Chop, chop, chop. That’s how you chop when you chop, chop,
chop. Chop. Chop. Choppity chop. That’s how you chop when you chop, chop,
chop. Let’s throw one more chop in there, for good measure. Chop. Okay,
one more. This is the last one, I promise. Chop. There. I’m done. Chop.
Okay, that’s the last one, I promise. Chop. I can’t stop. I need help.
CHOP!!!! CHOP!!!!
CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!!! Okay, I’m
done. I really am. You have to reach rock bottom sometimes, you know?
So about that last paragraph…stupidest paragraph ever written in the history of paragraphs? Probably. Stupidest paragraph you’ve ever read? Undoubtedly. But wait…THERE’S MORE! So like, anyway. You’re all like “OMG, this stupid knife like totally didn’t work like whatsoever.” You immediately tweet it.The dragon, meanwhile, tweets, “OMG this idiot just tried to kill me with this stupid knife I got from an infomercial 1 night when I wuz like totally tanked & it totally didnt work rofl!^^” “Awkward,” mutters Astra. Not a helpful comment, Astra. Not a helpful comment.“So where do we go from here?” says the dragon in a Dr. Phil-like fashion. You shrug.“I mean, obviously I’m offended,” he goes on to say. “I have emotions, you know. I mean, what did I ever do to you? You just tried to kill me, dude. WTF?” Is this guy serious? “Well, you’re just…like…an asshole, you know? I mean you just freakin’ ate a bunch of elf children, man. That was a real asshole move. You’re a #$%&ing jerk, dude. Can’t you see this?”“Oooh,” goes the dragon, with a sudden realization (realisation if you’re a bloke from merry old England) gleaming in his eyes. “Is that why everyone’s always trying to kill me?” You roll your eyes. “Uhhhh….ya?”“Well I’m a dragon. I’m just doing what comes naturally.” “Well maybe you need to break the mold, dude. Be an individual.”The dragon mulls your suggestion over in his tweeky little dragon noggin’. “Well…let’s see…hmmmm….nah. I don’t think I want to do that.” “@#!$ing great,” you sigh.
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Ib (I'm an idiot)
8/24/2010 11:59:56 AM
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