The Genie's New Master

“Classic!” Fogeno cheered as spittle and phlegm flew from his mouth. “Reminds me of this time I was on a slaving run off Caibu, and came upon an island of peaceful savages. Not too far from here, actually. Anyway, we ended up murderin’ the men and rapin’ the women in the dead of night, bla bla bla, you know the drill, I’ll skip the over boring details. At one point I employed a similar technique, though, killing a bloke by shoving his own internal organs down his throat. Of course we took the children as slaves. It’s a long story. Anyway, not sure where I was goin’ with that. Of course I’d heard of yer exploits, and admired yer work from afar. The King of Hespan was furious when he found out you’d stolen his favorite hat and murdered his most trusted governor in the process! And now that I’ve actually met ye in the flesh I have to say - ye aren’t a half-bad sort. Fer a lubber, that is!”

“Yer lucky I’m too drunk to stand!” said Fogeno. “Or I’d cut out yer heart fer that little comment!”

They laughed in unison.

Indeed, both men were by now sprawled out lazily on the sand, backs propped against the same palm, while two hotties did...things. To them. And on each of their respective heads a monkey was perched, inspecting their scalps for lice and fleas.

Robert took another bite and nodded. “Quite. Have you met Astra, Fogeno? She’s a feisty one! She likes it rough let me tell you.”

“Well, you boys seem to have bonded well,” she observed. “I can’t tell you how much that warms my heart. And you seem to be taking the death of your crew rather well, captain.”

“Where are my manners! Would you like to join in?” Robert asked, gesturing at the bobbing head of the hotty.

“Suit yourself,” he droned. “But remember, there’s plenty of Robert to go around.” And then he passed right out, stinking drunk that he was.

On cue, the hotty got to her feet and stumbled off. Astra dry heaved again.

“I have another proposition,” the princess told the captain. She showed him the bottle. “There’s a genie in there,” she said. “And it will give you three wishes. I will give you the bottle, and allow to have two wishes all your own, IF - and this is a very big IF - you agree to use your first wish to make these…” she gripped her enormous breasts “…back to normal again.”

“Fascinating. We have a deal?”

Not without some trepidation, she handed him the bottle. Was she making a big mistake?

Astra just stared. The look in her eyes spoke volumes.

“What’s the big idea?” the little man griped as he recovered from the violent fall. “You know, all you have to do is rub the damn thing! Goodness gracious! I was in the middle of tea, I’ll have you know!”

1. To make himself the King of Hespan.
2. To outfit his ship with the latest weapons and a new crew that WASN'T a bunch of whiney swabs.
3. A lifetimes supply of rum & whores.
4. To end world hunger, proving once again that he was a complex character.
5. To make his manhood three times as large. And also cherry-flavored.
6. To make Astra's booty three times as large. He really WAS an ass man.
7. To become the most powerful wizard in the world. Uh-oh.
8. To turn Robert into a monkey. (He was still a little emotionally hurt from his 'dirty, conniving hespaniard' remark.
9. To free the genie. Refer to option 4.
10. Rum. And whores. He wasn't very specific though, and the genie just stared at him with a blank look in his eyes. "Are you stupid?" he finally asked.

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