Tempers Run High Deep Below
The Never Ending Quest - Episode 88373
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“Ow! Hey! What the — ? Get off me, you mangy mutt!” protested Fred, as the
little dog growled and bit into his ankles (which weren’t protected with
chain mail, unlike the rest of Fred.....I mean, who needs ankle protection
when taking on a bloody dragon?). “Velus! Stop it! Bad dog! Bad dog!” “Oh dear,” mused Astra. “Dammit, Velus! Don’t you get it!?” Fred raged. “You are cursed into this form because of the dragon. I’m going to slay the dragon, which shall in due course undo your curse, therefore turning you back into your rightful, awkward, acne-pocked, chronic masturbating, teen-boy self! Is any of this getting through to your tweaky little canine noggin, hmmm?”In fact, it was. Velus whimpered a pitiful apology, then scurried away, tail betwixt his legs. He hid under the table. “Bloody nuisance,” Fred grumbled.“Cut him a little slack, Fred,” Astra intervened. “He’s had it rough lately, I’m sure. Just as I have.” “Well how do you think I feel?” came the knight’s retort. “I’ve got to fight the scaly leviathan, or die trying! I’ve got the pre-game jitters, too!”“Right,” nodded Astra. “Let’s all just take a breather. Maybe the Wizard of Kamiro will have some advice. It is said he is most wise on such matters!” But Fred was quite over the whole ‘wizard’ thing. “Oh, screw the stupid wizard and his stupid beard and his stupid hat and his stupid magic!” he declared. “And there’s no such place as Kamiro, got it? I did quite well in geography and the only thing that stands between Allaria and Aqualaria are the bloody Shrekken Mountains! Kamiro...sounds like a stupid place, anyway. ‘Oooh, look at me! I’m the ‘Wizard of Kamiro’! Aren’t I just the greatest! I come from an imaginary realm that doesn’t even exist and I smell like poo!’ <— That’s probably what he says every morning!”“He doesn’t smell like poo, Fred,” argued the princess. “The Wizard’s hygiene is said to be quite immaculate. He’s a bit of a germophobe, actually. And he smells nice, he burns a lot of incense.” “What’s a germ?” Fred wondered aloud.“Ummm, nothing. It’s not important. What is important is that something has gone terribly awry with him. We must find out! I must continue to study the ball, unmolested.” “I just frickin’ told you two that the only way to undo Velus’s curse is to kill the frickin’ dragon!? Are you both dense!?” “Oh. Right. Well, still...the Wizard is a powerful sage. He might be able to give us some pointers or enchant your blade or what have you.” “Oh, right. Big powerful wizard. If he’s so powerful, why is he in trouble!? This is a waste of my time!”“Please, Fred!” the princess pleaded. “Just allow me to study this ball for a few minutes. Allow yourself to cool off, and then when tempers have died we’ll come to a decision, okay?” Velus barked his agreement to this plan, his tail wagging.Fred muttered a few choice obscenities, but finally decided to:
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12/28/2009 8:04:08 AM
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