A Quest Within A Quest Within A Quest Within A Quest.........Within A Quest......(Wait, one 'Within A Quest' too many there. Sorry!) Within A Quest
The Never Ending Quest - Episode 86263
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But first, gentle reader, a recap of events. You know, just in case
there’s any of you lot out there - slouching in your chairs as you stare
mindlessly into the mesmerizing glow of your computer monitors, eyes
glazed over, drool dribbling down the many greasy ridges of your five
unshaven chins - that are a bit on the daft side. Which is, undoubtedly,
most of you. Be honest with yourself. There’s no shame in it. We can’t
all be doctors and aerospace engineers and part-time assistant
night managers at Taco Bell. So you’re a little slow on the uptake….who
cares? At least you’ve got your um….looks? Oooh, guess not. Sorry.
Ummm….hygiene? That’s another NO. Sobriety? No. Wealth? No…..health?
Maybe. And you’re probably in your mother’s basement, so at least you’ve
got dear old mum. She makes the best meatloaf. Mmmmm….meatloaf…. Ahem! Anyway…. ~A Recap of Events~``And so it came to pass, in the year of the Seven Eyed Snake Goddess of the Lower Abyss, who was called Yrg the Seven Eyed Snake Goddess of the Lower Abyss, or just Yrg, or, sometimes, during informal moments with his mother, 'My Little Yrggy- Poo', that Lord Fred set out from the King’s City with the King’s Blessing and the King’s Kiss and seven bottles of the King’s Finest Wine (which he had slipped off with when no one was looking) to slay the Terrible Slimy Dragon of the Southern Caves, or Terriblis s. Draconias d. Sur Cavernius, who had been burning stuff and eating maidens and being an all around Big Meanie. He came unto the great, yawning mouth of it’s loathsome den in the Mountains of the Shriekers only to discover there were TWO cave entrances, when the map had CLEARLY indicated there was only ONE! At first Fred thought it might be all the wine he had just consumed, a mere five minutes prior. And then suddenly there were THREE entrances! Then there was one, which was odd. Then two again. Fred burped, took one last swig from the last remaining bottle, and silently vowed right then and there to have the cartographer who drew this amateurish rendering of the Southern Caves burned at the stake in the heart of whatever vile village had spawned him, and in front of all his family and friends. Hell, he might even throw a couple of them onto the bar-b as well! HA!Well, for whatever reason, Fred chose the left entrance. Or the middle one. Then it was the right entrance, and finally it was the ONLY entrance. He entered an entrance, that much can be surmised, and what an entrance it was. Yadda yadda yadda. Eventually he met Belboz the Necromancer, who, after some haggling, agreed to give Fred immunity from the Dragon’s fire breath if Fred would retrieve the Sceptre of St Valentine. Easy enough? But the room that Belboz directed Fred to go through was full of noxious vapors that smelt like dog farts and whatnot. Belboz THEN agreed to help Fred with ANOTHER spell IF Fred WOULD go and gather some MUSHROOMS from ANOTHER ROOM. Yadda yadda yadda. Fred starts tripping out and whatnot. Some lady in the sky with diamonds. Glowing Runes. Yadda. Some chocolate. Yadda yadda yadda. And THAT leads us to the present! I hope that helped!Fred had been feeling a lot of pent up stress lately. Or at least that’s the excuse we’ll give him for what transpires next. Children, cover your eyes. Ladies, leave the room. Men, brace yourselves. For Fred, you see, had decided to ‘investigate’ the hole from which the chocolaty goo sprung by unbuckling his codpiece and probing it with a certain ‘body part’. And found he quite fancied it. He began thrusting himself against the walls like a stray mutt on a strangers leg, groaning and moaning and screaming bloody murder and cooing and carrying on like that, talking dirty to no one in particular as he spanked his own buttocks and rubbed the chocolate all over his face and what have you and whatnot. Like that time you caught Nana and Pep-Pep in the wood shed on that hot, sweaty July afternoon when you were but a whelp of nine and come to find out Nana had been dead for hours and rigormortis had set in but Pep pep just kept at it until eventually his own heart gave out as well. Kinda romantic.
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4/15/2009 10:31:41 AM
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