A New Day Dawns

"My fellow citizens..." began the soon-to-be 44th President of the United States, quietly reflecting to himself that Cheney looked even more pissed off than he normally did.

"I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors," he said, gripping the podium and looking out at a sea of faces and cameras.

One of those faces--two of them, actually--were solemnly holding foldout signs that read "I (HEART) MCCAIN."

Sighing inwardly, he continued. "I thank President Bush for his service to our nation..."

Beside them, even as the rest of the audience applauded, a few more signs went up--these read "I Like Pie," "Bring Back Howdy Doody," "Stop the Picnic Apes," "Don't Mind Me, I'm Just Holding a Sign," and "I Feel Pretty Good About It, Overall."

"...... as well as the generosity and cooperation he has shown throughout this transition. Forty-four Americans have now taken the presidential oath."

More signs were joining the first few, among them such slogans as "I'M WEARING UNDERWEAR MADE OF WAX PAPER!", "I'M WITH STUPID." "BE BACK IN FIVE MINUTES!", "DON'T BLAME ME--I VOTED FOR POTZIE," and "DOWN WITH PROTEST SIGNS!" The secret service was moving through the crowd towards the "protestors," but even more signs were being raised, all over the crowd.

He continued. "The words have been spoken during rising tides of prosperity and the still waters of peace. Yet, every so often the oath is taken amidst gathering clouds and raging storms. At these moments, America has carried on not simply because of the skill or vision of those in high office, but because We the People have remained faithful to the ideals of our forebears, and true to our founding documents--"

He stared at a sign that read, "Spider Monkeys Stole Our Car," and tried to pick up his train of thought. "That we are in the midst of crisis is now well understood-"

NEEDS MOAR LONGCAT, read one sign. WHAT AM I DOING HERE? read another. A third said, "36/12 OR FIGHT." Several people were unfurling a banner that apparently read, "WE LOVE SPINACH PIZZA, AND WE'RE NOT AFRAID TO ADMIT IT ANYMORE!" And even as the secret service agents were rounding more of them up, even more signs were going up, each goofier and more nonsensical than the last.

1. "Okay...I'm going to break with tradition, and I'm going to ask, because I have to know...what in the name of God's green earth is with the signs?" he asks plaintively.
2. "Am I gonna have to shoot a bitch?" snaps Cheney, looking right at Josh. Uh oh...
3. So begins the strangest national protest in the history of the United States. What other strange signs and demonstrations are revealed as the day progresses?
4. Cut to Josh's trial, in which he defends himself using the same "clever" logic we all know and love him for, and visual aids--lots of visual aids. Some of which even have something to do with the trial.. Slides are shown.
5. Suddenly, the inauguration is called on account on flying monkeys.

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