A Sordid Tale (What's Sordid Mean?) - A Scott, Josh, & Lots Story

The Never Ending Quest - Episode 83488

As Josh kicks them (to the delight of the Dark Lord Satan, Prince of the Principalities of the Air and Sarah Palin) he casually swishes a martini glass about and imagines himself a swan with a soulful cry of, “Goobak ark merlork!”

Typical Josh in full affect. Effect? No. Affect. Right? Yes. Yay, I’m good at writing! Wait. No. Effect.

Indeed.

Right about then, due to a curious happenstance of actual happenings that are factual, the RV rights itself and washes ashore a lonely island. Somehow a lava worm is involved and several winged horrors. Bla, bla, bla. You know. Normal writey stuff.

Skipping ahead…

Lots surveys the grim, rugged island and claims it in the name of Spain, appointing himself as governor and supreme comic book snob. Scott quickly appoints himself as Vice-Governor. That leaves Josh, who assumes the role of swan- dancer and peasant.

“Well,” declares Governor Lots. “First order of business; we need to salvage what we can from the RV and set up our colonial headquarters and lame comic book emporium. Also, since we’re claiming this plain in the name of Spain, someone needs to learn Spanish. Josh?”

Josh perks up like a frightened rabbit and cries just a little. “Si?”

“Good, good.” Lots turns to Scott and licks his lips sensually, due to the effects (Effects?) of his migraine medication, due to a recent flair up of his migraines. “Migraines actually aren’t funny,” he adds. “Just so everyone knows. They suck. A lot. I actually REALLY need this medication.”

Ha! Ha! Silly Lots!

Lots suppresses his murderous rage which has been building since the age of 12. He thinks of Buffy and sighs. “Anyway,” he continues, “Scott, as my Vice Governor, I order you to quit shooting up gorilla testosterone and to scout out and map the island. Please do not make love to any of the natives, be they male or female.”

“No promises,” answers Scott. And he boldly sets off into the dark, mysterious interior of the island.

Lots shakes his head and can’t help but chuckle. “Oh, Scott!”

<insert studio-audience laughter>

The governor then turn to Josh and beats him just on general principle. “Go on,” he says afterwards. “Start unloading the RV.”

“Oh yessa Masta sur!” Josh replies in a hilariously distasteful and completely uncalled for manner befitting of a slave circa 1855 Virgina.

Several winged horrors are offended, and right fully so. Lots gazes off to the distant horizon, where beyond the purple haze it seems the mecha robot One Stan has won the epic battle against the mecha Jasper. Japanese singing ensues from some distant location. Tragically, there is no translator. The scalding hot wind singes Lot’s eyebrows and burns off several layers of unnecessary skin. “Finally,” he says. “I’m home.”

Fastforward two weeks...

  1. Things are going delightfully! The natives have been suppressed, the mecha robots have been keeping to the distant horizon, and Josh hasn't cried even ONCE!
  2. Things are going as expected. Scott has made love to every female (and three males) on the island, Josh is being a cry baby, and mecha robots have demolished the lame comicbook emporium.
  3. Things are going even worst than expected. Scott has spread a rare form of fatal herpes to EVERYONE on the island, Josh actually think he's a swan, and a mecha rob ot version of Sara has set her sights on a mecha robot version of Lots. Palin, not Hewitt.
  4. There is no option 4. Try 5 instead!
  5. LIES!

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10/19/2008 6:07:06 PM

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