The Hideous Plains of Dismemberment!
The Never Ending Quest - Episode 83270
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"The Plains of Dismemberment," Fred says in a low, almost breathless
whisper. "Just look at them Sancho. We finally made it - and what
a splendid four day adventure it has been! I honestly don't remember most
of it, thanks to all the grog and narcotic pipeweed coursing through my
pure, noble blood. I do know
it has
been a real time of
bonding between us, Sancho. Those twice daily rubdowns have brought us
much
closer, methinks. Physically, yes...but emotionally, too. Anyway, there
they are, the ironically named Hideous Plains of Dismemberment. First
impression? I don't
know. I envisioned them differently, I suppose." The squire, in turn, merely shrugs. They look like regular old plains, except that here the air hangs thick with the taint of death and the ground is stained red with the blood of countless innocents. There are, of course, endless piles of human skulls stretching on for as far as the eye can see, some nearly the size of small mountains. Then there's the blood curdling screams of spirit wraiths that can be heard echoing across the desolate, windswept landscape. The sky above is blackened by a thick, roiling cloud of vultures and ravens and crows; all circling ominously over the blood- soaked plateau in the tens and even hundreds of thousands, blotting out the very sun even as it waxes mighty in it�s mid-day zenith. "Smoke break," Fred declares, on cue. "Go ahead and get the ointments ready. I'm gonna go drain the lizard, as it were, behind that mound of dead and mostly dead children over there. You know the drill.""Don't I ever, you bastard," Sancho mutters bitterly, gnashing his teeth. Fred's ears (as well as several other body parts) perk in interest. "Eh? What's that, my boy?" "I said, 'sounds clever, master' the quick thinking squire replies. "I literally can't wait to caress your hairy, snow-white, acne-pocked ass.""Really?" asks Fred. "You said all that?" "Uh," Sancho stammers. "Yup. Sure did. Every word. I'm a fast talker.""Well okay, then. Um, good. Good! Good man. These rubdowns have become the highlight of my day, I really must admit. My nipples, for whatever reason, tingle when I think of it. I tingle in other areas, too. Try to REALLY get some of that ointment down in there today, if you know what I mean. Gonna need a DEEP rubdown today, if you know what I mean. Anyway, get to it, you filthy peasant."
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5/18/2009 10:59:05 AM
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