Doctor Random

The Never Ending Quest - Episode 80538

"Why would Doctor Random be after Hank and Dean?" asked Jasper as Sara put the projector in her left pocket.
Brock looked around slowly. Somehow, he now held a foot long dagger.
"Doctor Random read too many high-falootin' philosophy books in some damn English college. He came to believe that life was nothing but random chaos and idiocy and sunk the entire family fortune, made from wise stock investments and personal travel luggage innovations, into devices to forment randomness.
Brock parts some branches. "He makes his moneny by performing mercenary tasks in 'artisitcally random' ways. He's mostly used by the Guild of Calamitous Intent as second-hand ways to attack Doctor Venture because most of them consider Doctor Random to be expendable and stupid. Because Doctor Random constantly smells like chili no matter how many showers he takes and he won't shut up about the Seattle grunge scene. Not very 'Random' at all."
Brock ventures closer to the woods on the west side of the two-lane road. Jasper heroically resists the urge to say the word 'Random'.

  1. The world's third tiniest midget runs out of the woods. Brock kicks him back in.
  2. Several trees vanish, also holograms, to be replaced by ninja-pirates.
  3. Three Japanese catgirls, all 27 years old and slightly overweight, appear. All are confused and hungry.
  4. A duck walks up and explodes in a puff of feathers.
  5. Doctor Random had been pumping the entire area full of colorless, odorless X-334 PCP gas. Brock was immune, having had invented X-334. Sara and Jasper, however...
  6. Josh Burbank shows up, holding Doctor Random's head, Colonel Insane's face and the distinctively sexy lower legs of General Sexy.
  7. A deer approaches.
  8. Captain Kirk, slightly injured, stumbles out of the woods. "Oh no." said Brock. "Random's got the Fictional Man Generator working again."
  9. Narcoleptic Blockbuster employee Mike Cain stumbles out of the woods. "Oh hells." said Brock. "A friend of Josh Burbank."

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8/21/2008 6:18:39 AM

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