Self-Help

You're gagging and choking on an esophagus filled with broken Baroness action figures.

You grab your throat and squeeze really hard. None of them come loose. In fact, now you can taste blood.

A dim memory swims to the surface, addled by brain damage and drugs--it's possible to actually perform the Heimlich on yourself.

You place your fists over your diaphragm and double over. The force pressing against your diaphragm finally dislodges most of the toys, and you cough them out. You swallow pieces of the last one, and you reflect that you're going to have an interesting dump in the next day or so.

1. Sue Hasbro for making a hottie like the Baroness a choking hazard.
2. Attack Toys R' Us..
3. Go into the diner across the street. Tell the waitress that the toys sent you,
4. Try make a life-sized baroness out of the toys. That should be safe.
5. Lose interest in the toys and go wandering across a farmer's field.

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