The Smokin' Hot Female President is Missing

The Never Ending Quest - Episode 73837

A blood-red moon shone through the tops of the trees as timberwolves howled in the swirling mist so thick one could not see an inch beyond one's nose. Through the mist stumbled a figure dressed in a torn Hooters' waitress uniform. "One, two, Freddy's comin' for you," she sang in a childish tone of voice and giggled. "They're all laughing at me. Even the Belgian president is laughing at meeee. I cant go back there. I cant face the press. I cant face the nation. I'd sooner die out here in this God- forsaken wilderness. My rockin' presidency ends here."

"Har har har!" laughed a hard-edged voice. A post-apocalyptic scenario biker stepped out of the mist. He wore camo pants and belts of ammo across his bare chest rippling with muscles. In one hand he held a giant dagger almost as big as a sword, which he proceeded to lick with his tongue. "A stray kitten lost on the road?"

"And who the hell are you?" the girl demanded.

The biker laughed as more bikers appeared all around her. "Hell!! You dont even know who's turf you wandered into? They call me King, and I'm the ruler of all you survey! And you're coming with us, hot stuff! You're gonna be my new bride!"

"Like hell I will!" the girl snarled. A biker dove at her from behind - she stepped aside lithely and snapped her hand back to break his jaw.

"What the hell? That bitch! Get her!!" King roared.

More bikers were converging all around her. One of them swung a heavy metal pipe at the girl's head - she leaned back and spun in mid-air, kicking out to send his head twisting in a direction human heads arent supposed to twist. Two more came at her from opposite sides - she stepped out of the way just in time and grabbed their heads, cracking them together so that blood spurted out of their ears. Roaring in rage, one of the bikers unholstered a gatling gun and sent a deadly spray of lead toward our heroine, who ducked and spun and rolled out of the way to grab one of the dead bikers and lift his body up as a shield. The dead carcass was torn into shreds by the heavy metal slugs, and the girl tossed the body aside, pulling his gun out of the holster and rolling away again. The gatling gun stopped firing with a 'click'. "What the hell? Out of ammo?" the biker grunted, reaching for another clip, when the girl popped out from behind a tree and fired twice, once through his heart and once through his brain. Another biker came at her from the side - she aimed in his direction without looking - once, twice, three, four times. His bullet riddled body fell to the ground as the gun clicked, out of ammo. The girl dropped the clip contemptuously.

"The hell... that was pretty good, girl," King laughed. "It looks like you understand the rules of survival in this new world. Its kill or be killed, and the strongest emerges as the victor. There is no time for mercy or weakness!! The strong rule, and I am the strongest of the strong. I take what I want and I kill whoever disagrees with me! That's the way of life! That's reality!! So if you wanna live, you better get down on your knees and beg for my forgiveness! GWAR-HAR-HAR-HAR!!!"

"I think not," the girl smirked, suddenly popping up behind him and wrapping her arm around his neck. The tip of her knife glinted against his jugular vein. "This kitten has claws, my hard-rockin' amigo."

"Grr.. damn you!" King roared. He was afraid for the first time in his life. "You bitch!! What the hell do you want?!"

"That remains to be seen - hee hee!"


"Gentlemen, I call you here today for the most important mission you have ever undertaken in your entire lives," the Special Forces commander spoke in a terse tone, unfurling a regional map on the table. "As you are well aware, our beloved smokin' hot Hooters waitressing, Josh Burbank-dating female president has been missing for several days now. As a result, most of the world has reverted to a post-apocalyptic way of life. The scattered survivors huddle in shelters and eke out a meager existence from the polluted soil as biker gangs prey upon the weak. We must find the President at any cost! And advance scout team reports indicate she may be found here - in the Forest of Trials, the most god-forsaken place on the entire continent. It is said the poisonous mist that swirls through the trees here can take on solid form and turn into your own worst nightmares. If there is any man here that is afraid - that for even a second would consider his own life over the welfare of our President - step out of this tent now and never show your face here again."

"I'm afraid!" Hutchins cried. "I'm timid and easily frightened! I place a high value on my own life!"

"Get the hell out of here," the Commander snarled.

Sobbing, Hutchins shuffled out of the tent.

"Are we really gonna let him go like that?" Reynard smiled. He was a young, handsome, bespectacled intelligence officer with an eye for detail and the best marksman in SF school. He had a penchant for always chewing on a strand of hay or grass or something sticking out of his mouth.

There was a gunshot outside. "Does that answer your question?" the Commander smiled. "Now, the rest of you - Reynard, Hanson, Ryuzaki, Legault and Sir-Toby.com - your mission is to find the President no matter what. May God be with you."

Meanwhile...

  1. A ceremony is held at the bikers' hideout...
  2. Josh Burbank enters an elliptical orbit passing through an asteroid field.
  3. The Belgian president undertakes the writing of his memoirs "A Man - A Life - A Presidency".

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3/17/2008 11:13:10 AM

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