He's Dead, Jim

And with that, Josh Burbank farts, burbles, slumps to the ground and dies.

The gathered crowd stares incredulously. "Is he dead?" asks Sarah Hewitt.

"Naw. He's pinin' for the fjords," says one of the funeralgoers.

"He's never been to Norway in his life," Jasper replies. "Unless you countthat time he crossed the Atlantic while naked and stowing away in the holdof a tuna boat. But he was deported as soon as he arrived, so I'm not sureit counts." He sighed heavily.

"No, our good friend Josh is not pining, he's passed on. Josh is no more--he has ceased to be! He's expired and gone on to meet his maker! He's a stiff! Bereft of life, he rests in peace!" He stops for a moment.

"No, no, put his body down, boys--nailing him to the chair won't fix things," he admonished the two who were trying to do just that. "He's pushing up daisies! His metabolic processes are now history! He's off the map! He's kicked the bucket and shuffled off his mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!" He gestured dramatically. "This...is an EX-JOSH!"

Sarah stared at him. "You're quoting Monty--"

"Shut up. Well, he's dead. Scott's dead. Might as well make it a two forone, get our money's worth." "Reverend," he called to the minister. "You're rented for the day--inasmuch as you're already here for one stiff, why not make it a double?"

1. "Might as well." The rest of the funeral goes through without a hitch.
2. The service deteriorates into a snivelling, drunken hissy-fit.
3. Bill Murray delivers a stunning improptu eulogy on both of their lives.
4. Suddenly, a semi carrying toxic waste collides with a schoolbus, a nitroglycerine carrier and a chicken truck simultaneously less than one a block away.
5. Someone else notable drops dead.
6. The rest of the funeralgoers drop dead.
7. The entire population of the Northern Hemisphere drops dead.
8. ...as Josh and Scott revive.
9. Just when no one is expecting it, Canada strikes.
10. Something else happens. Or doesn't happen.

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