Food, Sex & Ewe

Earlier, after he and Brin had assaulted Scott for ruining their romantic interlude in the restaurant in his own weird way, Fred accidentally blurted out his real intent for the evening.

"Umm, excuse me, Fred?" Brin snapped.
"Well, I...just figured that you liked me that way, and we were going to the nearest hotel afterwards! I'm n-not really looking for something serious right now, but a fuck buddy or three would be totally awesome. You in, Brin?"
"Fred, I am not that kind of woman!" Brin screams. "You men are all alike! All you want is to eat, fuck, and sleep! Eat, fuck, and sleep! I'm tired of this!"
"Oh, I forgot, you haven't had enough to drink yet," Fred calmly replies, reaching for the untouched glass of red wine on their table.

The next thing Fred knew, he was down on the floor getting beaten with the remains of the chair that Scott had broken after leaping over the table earlier. Three minutes later, Brin finally flings the pieces of chair across the dining room, and angrily swipes Fred's wallet out of his back pocket. Turning it upside down, several condoms fall out, along with a few dollars, a credit card, fifteen receipts not yet entered into his checkbook, a few phone numbers, and a flash drive containing a thousand illegally downloaded songs from the internet.

"Fred, you are the biggest asshole I've ever met! Don't ever call or email me again!" Brin snaps, taking all of Fred's cash. She throws down the wallet, and storms out of the restaurant angrily ranting about how men are pigs.

As Fred lies in the fetal position sobbing quietly, Scott manages to crawl over to him. "So, you struck out, eh?" he asks.
"Don't talk to me, Scott!" cries Fred.
"I have to admit, I watched your entire performance, man," Scott continues. "You did it all wrong. You have a lot to learn if you just want to easily talk your way into a woman's pants!"
"Oh, are you some kind of expert?"
"Oh, I'd say having 3700 women in ten years makes me some kind of expert!" "What? That's just ridiculous!"
"No, Fred. It isn't. I really did shag that many girls in ten years. Now, what do you say, do you want me to help you, or do you want to be a socially inept loser who never gets past the first date?"

1. Fred agrees to let Scott help him be a ladies' man.
2. Fred refuses Scott's help, and he dies a virgin.
3. Brin suddenly returns, having changed her mind and feelings about Fred.
4. Fred and Scott make out furiously.

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