Staircase Room Blues and Nutty Bunny Woes
The Never Ending Quest - Episode 70828
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And so you decide to press your luck as an elf in the infamous Staircase
Room, of which we are all so intimately familiar. Fool. None of it makes sense, first of all. The teal sofas. The boxed food supplies. The smell of vanilla pudding lingering in the air. And you hate New Jersey - as if that has any relevance to this situation (which it does). Except you don't know that except now you do. And why? Why are there striped cashews in your vanilla pudding? Because funny bunnies make nutty men proud, that's why. Oh dear, you're already starting to loose it. Not that you ever had it (although you did). Although now you don't. What? Yes. Go.Your only human contacts consist of Scott Chen (a blithering idiot if ever there was one), some nerd named Josh (who is the biggest coward you've ever met - also, he doesn't shower and seems to be completely insane), and a burly, tattoo-covered guy named Lloyd who says he's here as part of his probation. Also there is the orb of All-Knowingness. But nobody likes a know-it-all. At first no one seems to notice your sudden appearance. Scott gorges himself on a box of food supply as he laughs at some dumb cartoon on the tele. Josh paces around the expansive room, muttering, "I'm a nutty bunny. I'm a nutty bunny. I'm a nutty bunny." Like it's his unholy mantra. And Lloyd, meanwhile, does push-ups - a smoldering cigarrette dangling from his mouth while the orb lectures him on the dangers of smoking.You gulp. "Hi guys," you finally sputter. "My name is Elfy McElfypants. I'm new here." "Great," says Lloyd, not even bothering to look up.Scott waves a hand dismissively in your general direction, and continues chuckling at the TV. Josh, on the other hand, seems thoroughly intrigued. "You're an elf!" he exclaims, rubbing his nipples provocatively.You nod. "That I am. Please stop doing that." "Huh? Stop doing what?"You sigh. "Touching...yourself. It's disturbing." "But they're so tender," he counters. "And precious, too!" Scott throws an empty box of food supplies at Josh, hitting him square on the head. That seems to do the trick. You thank Scott. He doesn't respond."I'm a nutty bunny," Josh babbles inanely. "I'm a very nutty bunny." At least he quit touching himself. Five days later..."Maybe I should go," you say, mostly to yourself. Gee, you think?On cue, Lloyd farts loudly, as if to agree, then goes back to his push- ups. Josh starts up with the nipple rubbing again, sealing the deal. You look at the strangely inacessible staircase, take a deep breath, and decide to go:
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10/30/2007 12:08:40 PM
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