Call of Thanatos

The Ghost of Gerbil appears before you. "It was to rid the world of Larry the Cable Guy. Now, Good and Evil are once more balanced and the Universe is in harmony. Even now, I sup with the Gods and the great poets and philosophers in spacious celestial halls, so do not shed tears for me... brother."

"Wait!" you scream, but the image of Gerbil is gone. "I want to be where you are!"

The next few hours are a blur as you devise an elaborate suicide plan so you can be reunited with Gerbil.

1. Douse yourself in gasoline, set yourself on fire and hurl yourself in the path of an onrushing train.
2. Tie yourself to wild horses and let yourself be torn apart.
3. Build a spike pit trap, disquise it and place a piece of cake over it. An hour later when you forget and get hungry for cake you fall into the pit trap.
4. Marinade and baste yourself in barbecue sauce, return to the Zoo and jump in the grizzly bear pit.

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