A Pair of Dragon Hearts (Part 2)

Reika

What? Didn’t I explain to my parents that “my” Yui Akari hadn't done the ONE terrible thing that "Commander Ayanami" had done? The terrible reality that in her reality Shinji Akari's mother had been JUST as uncaring about her as a human being as Gendo Akari had been (re: 61620). Like me, she had been created as a tool to bring about Instrumentality on "her" creator's terms. Like me, even IF (unlike me) she had not been privy to that part of her having the tale of her being created in order to help mankind survive.

Hm, maybe Gendo had planned on informing her of that fact after she'd been reincarnated into her third form, when she'd been too disoriented and lost to even think about turning on him?

Well, as bad as that is at least while I perhaps don't exactly love "my" version of Yui Akari she had the decency to not have planned at the offset at creating ME to only exist as a tool (and nothing else). I know enough about my origins to know that she had actually refused to have her genetic material used in such a matter because she wasn't sold on the idea that a clone . . . .could never BE human like a "natural born." "My" Yui had been more ethical (and caring) than Commander Ayanami! With my Yui . . .at least with HER she hadn't dismissed the possibility out of hand. Yes, mine may have been terribly . . . niave in some ways, tending on picking up strays and all that (look at her taste in men). May have trusted her father and that shadowy organization known as SEELE too much by far, but she's a LOT better person than that Rei's version by far!

Even NOW Commander Ayanami cannot unbend enough to apologize appropriately to Rei for having done that. Wonder how come Shinji . . . Rei's Shinji can stand that woman?

Well, not for me to ask such questions aloud. In private, yes. Not in public. Not right now, anyway.

. . .

In private, as an aside, heated questions like that (and many more) had been asked mostly of Elrondir on the subject. Questions which had come mostly from Mother and Father, for the most part. Some had been asked of me from them, however and >I had explained (at length) why Yui wasn't like Ayanami.

Asking Lilith if that was the cause for the discord the Author had apparently been trying to inflict, I get an answer that makes both myself and Rei blink.

Rei

"You're saying that the point of contention that the Author hoped to capitalize upon centered upon that business with . . . you having to leave Shinji behind when you got absorbed into Unit 01?" I echo softly, wincing slightly. "My" Yui Akari had known such a thing may befall her and had accepted the risks, knowing that such might have been needed in order to make sure that mankind had a working weapon in hand (Unit 01) for the upcoming Angel War.

But Alan and Mina had pretty much agreed with me on one aspect about that sacrifice. While perhaps it could have been argued such measures were necessary back then to ensure survival of the human race (in some form, anyway), "my" Yui Akari had been a blithering IDIOT for having done it right before her young son's very eyes. Back then Shinji had been in short pants, for God's love! A little kid like that cannot be expected to not be traumatized by seeing their own mother's apparent . . . death! Then, to add to the idiocy she had misjudged "her" Gendo, not having expected the worm to abandon their own son which would FURTHER traumatize the little boy! Scars which even now "her" Shinji bears and which will take a LONG time for a psychologist to help sort out, even now.

"Back during that time as Yui I had . . . known at some level that it would have happened," Lilith whispered, a sad look on her face. Tears form at the memory. "But . . . because of being an Angel who was having what amounted to an 'out of body' experience during my time as Yui . . .I couldn't stray from the path I found myself on."

She now has brief flashes of waking up in the night as Yui, realizing what it was going to have cost "her" Shinji (now "Nadia"). Her Angelic nature had basically smothered such rebelliousness against her fate, causing her to forget and . . . keeping her on the path before her.

. . .

My God, and I thought that Gendo was cruel but these Unenlightened Rules and Agents! . . .were well and truelly without a trace of humanity or mercy with their "tools".

"It's okay!" I whisper, putting a hand on her shoulder. "You're free now."

"Because of you," she whispers, reaching and hugging me a little bit.

She nods and then takes a moment to gather herself together. Unlike myself and Reika when we came into our own upon becoming Champions, there are still a LOT of issues she must work out. She calls sherself Lilth, but in reality she doesn't know who exactly she is, as it were.

She had been called Yui Akari. She had been called Unit 01. She had been a young girl called Rei Ayanami. And she had been Lilith, the Second Neon Genesis Angel (Mother of Humanity on her Earth, anyway). But none of those titles really fit her, now. As Yui she had been rather forced into a mold, constrained in her actions. As Rei, she had been as lost and alone as I had been before my parents came along and save me from it all. Don't even ask me what being Unit 01 had been like, bound up with all those animalistic instinct and urges that monster possessed! Can't really even begin to guess what being the Angel Lilith had been like, honestly. I'd been a Neon Genesis Angel myself, briefly but not long enough to really get a feel for the condition, you know! She'd said that some (almost all of it) of it she couldn't make heads or tails of, now. Too alien for her now too human mind to understand to the point of being . . . gibberish. So, when Lilith suddenly upon becoming a Champion got all those memories and times back, it came together and . . . it confuses her! At least we'll be there to help her sort herself out!

The thing here was, I learn, is that the Author had demanded briefly the mental barriers between minds (rather like a temporary Instrumentality) so my parents would share thoughts and emotions with Lilith here. It had been done probably in the hopes that my parents (who are VERY anti against Instrumentality) would refuse out of hand, which would have been an instant failure for Lilith's part in this Quest, she tells us. She'd have been shipped home to Terra Prime to await us while we completed Reika's Validation Quest. Or maybe the Author hoped that what Mina and Alan saw in her would repulse them: like that business of basically abandoning Shinji Akari right before his (her?) eyes as a child through Unit 01 absorbing her, remember?

"That Author just has no real grasp on the character of my parents," I say, smiling slightly when I learn that the Author had been beside himself when Alan and Mina had failed to refuse (trusting the Agent and Rule there for it to be safe) AND the disgust towards Lilith had failed to materialize, I gather. "At least nothing came of it and we all can work together, eh?"

Hm, if Alan and Mina had come to hate Lilith here for what they saw inside her that would have pretty much made a very stained relationship during the Quest, right? Doesn't look like Lilith got rejected by the look on her face by the rather . . . joyful smile she has on her face?

. . .

Uh . . . am I missing something here?

"Uh . . . nothing bad came of it . . . .sisters," she says in a small voice, smiling still. "They took me in like they took you both in."

Lilith

They took me in and I became their daughter then and there in that timeless moment when minds were open. It is similar to what I remember of being a human "daughter" as my time as Yui, but this . . . is more real by far than that time. Then, I had been forced to playact the part. This isn't . . . playacting. I can . . .relate to my time as Yui, somewhat. Provides something of an anchor and compass (more so than my time as Rei) well enough, I suppose. I look back and find I still love my . . . er. . . guess I should acknowledge the fact and face it. I find I still love my daughter, Nadia (formerly my son, Shinji Akari). However, cannot say the same about "dear" Gendo. My affection for him had been a false thing, forced by my Angellic nature. Small loss that lost relationship.

What in God's name did I even see in that man even before being absorbed into Unit 01?! He wasn't a prize even before because I can see now he'd . . . Meh, forget it. That time is past and I do not feel anything but . . .anger towards him now for what he put our . . . .daughter through.

Don't EVEN ask me what I think of him for what he'd done to me while I'd been Rei!

Meanwhile, elsewhere in NERV...

1. "You're serious?" Elrondir blinked, looking at both Dr. Akagis as if awaiting a punchline to a poor joke. "The Chaos Energy actually had done something GOOD and fixed the damage caused by Second Impact?!"

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