One of Two (Part 1)

Tabris

We seem to have company here that, in as far as one goes, recognizes the would be murderer here.

One of the strangers on the other side of this . . . .tear in reality that I find myself in seems to recognize me.

But before we go further I fear we must go and get the messy task of telling you just what MY part is in this mess. Please be patient as I tell because it is somewhat involved. First, let us tell you just why I recognize the one known as Elrondir.

. . .

I know that I recognize him, for some unknown reason he looks EXACTLY as he'd portrayed himself. At the time I had thought he'd just been using some showmanship in portraying himself as some kind of mystical member of a fantasy race come to life. Perhaps even playing up to that urban myth known as Terra Prime...

Uh, more about that myth here in a moment.

Hm, maybe there is more of a kernal of truth to the myth of Terra Prime. I still say that it cannot be totally true: a magic world. Magic is something . . .well, I just cannot see that something like magic could exist in realms like Home or similar realities. Wouldn't the physics make such things impossible? Kind of come to appreciate the idea of an orderly universe, if you must know. Still, maybe there would be the basis of some kind of alien race who the Military has encountered who LOOK like elves of legend?

Sigh, that's all speculation until I actually get tot speak with him if I can. But that said, I beleive I recognize the man! I should, considering that after a good friend of mine had raved about his artwork relating to the reverence he has to a disturbingly familiar Japanese anima/manga. His picture he'd gotten of a slightly older Rei Ayanami had actually taken my breath away. I found I just had to hire him to draw a VERY flattering fantasy portrait for my significant other and in the process we (I and the artist who insisted on only being called "Elrondir") got to know each other. That said, even to this day it amazes me what the Lilim . . .

. . .

Damnit, why even after all this time can I not slip into old patterns back when I was only an Angel (ala Neon Genesis Evangelion if you must know).

As for me and why I am as I am now, we'll handle that in this next part.

First off, I no longer am an Angel, but a human being! That happened on the day that my world got turned upside down in more ways than one.

Now, to perhaps make things more understandable let me explain a few things about myself and the one known as Rei Ayanami from "my" reality which I had been . . . removed from for a time. Both she and I had been, up to the time of transfer into a new realm, been Angel/human hybrids. At least for both of us we knew from early on what our intended purpose was to be (or so I had naively thought): bring about Third Impact and Instrumentality. That is what I believed I was created to do. Fated to do ("Angel of Free Will" title aside). Yes, you point out that at the TIME I was not human (not totally). However, I DID have enough concern and . . . love for human beings to spare them that fate.

The alternative was the eventual extinction of mankind, or so I thought and believed at the time. Those were the only two choices presented. Given a choice between the two I felt Instrumentality was the better of the two. What I chose to do under SEELE's guidance had been out of a sense of concern. Love. Maybe not quiet a human form of the emotion, but it WAS what I say it was. And what I did was with the best intentions...

. . .

And if you are familiar with the anime my intentions with Shinji Akari it would not have gone the way some homophobic . . . . .people out there think it would go. The love I had was not . . . .sexual in nature. Angels of Neon Genesis do not reproduce in the normal human idea of sex (man and women). Hey, I was created in a test tube (and a special one at that), and with everything else . . . cough cough. . . .

Sex never came to mind for me in any kind of relationship back then, if you catch my drift. Well, anyway sex or any other malignant intents I had towards Shinji Akari and the rest of mankind I now think you see that having any kind of sex (hetro or homo) was not on my mind when I helped plan what I'd planned in my folly. Yes, some terrible things may have had to be done but in the end I had believed that my and SEELE's (my benefactors and creators) goal, once achieved, would have justified them.

Well, you know that they say that the road to Hell is paved with "good intentions". Even my good intentions.

Hm, even back then I wasn't totally sold on at least all of the member's of SEELE's intentions being good and noble and had been planning secretly contingencies in that case. IF what that Angel who visited me and turned my life upside down said was true (and I do not doubt that Celestrial being's words) I had NOT been secretive enough. They had some dark plans for ME and . . .

Well, let us just say that I was going to be out maneuvered. If you'd seen that one episode where my anime version showed his pale face, then you know how SEELE betrayed me. If not, well you are not going to have to find out yourself.

Damnit, I still do not remember seeing what I saw in that episode. Did not like how I was betrayed . . . and how I . . . .the anime version of me inadvertently hurt Shinji Akari on that show. If God . . . or Whoever or Whatever out there had allowed things to continue I fear that I . . .

. . .

I had no right even planning on doing that whole thing with using Shinji to be a mean to my ends: Instrumentality.

Well, even if I could now bring about Instrumentality I would not. It would be . . .so wrong. Let us not even go into me betraying Shinji Akari, with good intentions or no.

Sigh, I do have a tendency now as human to go on and on agonizing about the past, do I not! Let us talk about something else.

Instead, let us talk about the messenger from God who revealed herself to me! Let me inform you of something. Not even on my best day could I ever see even the Mother, Lilith being able to match a real one in grace and beauty! And love. As an Neon Genesis Evangelion

Ah, but let's not go into that . . . yet!

I had been in the middle of preparations for finally allowing my S2 organ to finally awaken after so long being held in check by the cocktail of drugs keeping it . . . . docile. The reasons back then my SEELE benefactors gave me seemed logical enough. My time at attempting to bring about Instrumentality successfully meant following a prescribed approach. And that meant keeping me from having access . . . .from BEING a full powered Angel until after the Sixteenth Angel was put away. Varying from that path would have been nothing but doomed to failure for all. But . . .as it turns out they'd been totally false. Will get to that in a moment here, so bear with me.

. . .

She told me her name in life had been Astra Thessamer in the course of things. However, she DID reveal to me that I was only the tip of the iceberg, as the old saying goes.

1. Imagine, she said so much to me without saying anything to me. It was all done through a kiss on my forehead given while I was gobsmacked by her beauty!

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