To Serve Man

The Never Ending Quest - Episode 6382

"Glad you could drop by for dinner," said the meanest, baddest, wickedest seven-toed she-orc Fred had ever seen (of course, she was the only she-orc Fred had ever seen).

Fred thought about his predicament a bit. He was still weak from his fall up, his knee still ached, his head and tongue and teeth still hurt a lot, and his ears and nose were caked in his blood. He knew that to get out of this he'd have to use his wits. He didn't know much about these creatures except that they ate almost anything, loved to bash things on the head, and were said to be pyromaniacs. "Uh, that's a nice, um, fire you have there," he said.

"Of course it is, stupid human," she said. "What other kind is there?!" She continued to dice some carrots.

"No, um, I mean, uh, well, you know..." said Fred, not sure exactly where he was going with this.

The she-orc looked angry (which actually is the way she always looked due to an extended tantrum as a wee-orc, her face freezing in that I want to eat dwarf and eat it NOW kind of way). "Come on, spit it out!"

"Well, your fire, um could be... improved."

"Improved?" she scrunched her unibrow. "Improved how?"

"Your going to cook those carrots, right?" asked Fred a little more sure of himself.

"Aye. And the potatoes too."

"Um, anything else?" he asked not really doubting the next answer.

"Meat."

"Uh, what kind of meat?" he asked as his nose began to bleed again.

The she-orc smiled. "Human."

"Well!" said Fred in an excited voice (in part because he didn't want to die and in part because he didn't want the she-orc to think that he didn't want to die). "That settles it, your fire is no good!"

"No good!?!" she grumbled. "Why not?"

  1. "It's not hot enough, you should leave to get more fuel."
  2. "See the flame, its orange-red; you want a deep blue flame to cook me, I mean, if I'm gonna be eaten I wanna die knowing I tasted just right."
  3. "It's easier for me to show you, let me out and I will."

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1/1/2003 10:31:24 AM

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