Do not begrudge me this!

Rei

No to apologize, my dear, I hear within my own mind, the Doctor's voice. Mistakes happen, that's all.

Good God! If I'd been a bit put off at the mistaken impression that they'd not trusted me after everything and the trust and faith I'd shown them a bit ago (and the wonderful and embarrassing situation I'd experienced when I'd realized that I'd been mistaken about how much they'd trusted me)....

. . .

If they trust me enough to . . . reach out with their own minds to speak with me . . .it is showing a level of trust they have in me now.

If what they say of the next Angel on that list of theirs is correct (nothing is certain after Tabris showed up . . . early), that alone should tell me something. Besides, even before having learned of what that. . . thing called Arael . . .it is of little wonder they hesitate, on day one every Eva pilot (NERV member, period) learns that any kind of contact (physical or mental) is not a good idea with an Angel..

. . .

Poor Asuka. I did not like her much but whatever exactly she experienced . . .

Wait, would not Elrondir know exactly what she experienced? That way I could somehow reach her here. She won't . . . talk to me about it. Absolutely refuses and rebuffs my attempts. . .

Damnit I do try to help. That is what comrade in arms do, right? Help you fellow fighter and all that? Know that it's almost cliche, but then again it . . .

No, wait. There is that little fact that I'm an Angel now, right? She'd rather most likely run for her life if she's smart, considering what Angels usually do.

Shit, my life with NERV is "rather put to paid" as Fred once said, affecting a British accent that one gaming session.

Well, might as well attempt one last duty as an Eva pilot and report along the remaining danger to somebody in NERV. Someone I can trust to not cover it up once I tell them.

Being that Commander Akari is the danger (and may have some emergency backup means of initiating Third Impact without me . . .he's a bastard but a smart one) . . .I won't be lodging my report with him.

Deputy Commander Kouzou Fuyutsuki is not possible, obvious . . .or perhaps not so obviously if you weren't here on the day we got the news. He died in a car crash. Drunk driver . . .

Despite him being something of a confident to Gendo, I somehow would like to believe that he'd be honorable enough to do something about this. Then again, I know that actually he wouldn't turn on Ikari. See . . .he knows about Second Impact (the truth about it) and why it took place. He's in bed with Gendo and SEELE so I wouldn't have chosen him because of that very thing . . .

Ritsuko Akagi, the head scientist at Nerv? No. She's literally in bed with Akari here. She's got something of a romantic relationship with the man (though . . .I've just got to say that like mother like daughter). She's being used by Akari just like her mother had been used and . . . like her mother the first time around with me . . .

. . .

Look, no matter how you look at it when I got strangled to death (only to be raised again in a new clone body) the first by her mother and then nearly strangled a second time by the daughter . . . for something I admonished her for during a medical exam . . .

No, I do NOT feel like doing business with her, thank YOU!

Should have reported that bitch for that back when it . . .

. . . .

Well, I cannot say that I enjoy the memories . . . . but then again . . .

. . .

Yep, yet another thing to sort out here sometime after we're away and safe . . .

Did Sigin see those memories when he glanced into that Angel when it attacked me back in Unit 00?

. . .

No, no. Let's concentrate here, okay? And being that it . . . kind of seems . . . unreal and detached I do not feel fear over it. I'd always known that I could die (even IF knowing that I'd come back) really . . .

Strange, but for later. I. . . would like to talk about it with the others here at least . . . help me work it out, I hope. Maybe they can help.

I trust them, especially if they're trusting ME given everything. I mean, I'm now something that could cause Third Impact, right?

. . .

Why do I have a sudden sneaking supsicion that I'm overlooking something here with them. They'd had a look that seemed to say that something occured to them while I'd talked about Third Impact. They know what it is and why some would want it, I know.

Elrondir.

Ryoji Kaji, the boyfriend of Misato and somehow employed in some capacity to NERV? Frankly . . .I do not even now know what exactly to make of him. His . . . loyalties seem . . . divided at times from what I've overheard.

Not him then.

Shingi Akari, the pilot of Unit 01? No only no but HELL no!

Look, it is not that I do not trust him, but . . .

With him being . . . like he is (withdrawn and having avoidant tendencies) I . . . really do not want to PUT him through something like this. Not only would I fear how it would effect him emotionally . . . .

I don't want to . . .endanger him by revealing such things to him.

I . . . have the memories of Yiu Akari now and . . .

. . .

I love him like a son. Whatever relationship I'd been evolving got . . .mutated.

. . .

I remember Yui actually giving BIRTH to him, for Heaven's sake!! And through her eyes . . .It's so real it's like ME . . .

No, I am not a MENTAL carbon copy of Shinji, but certain memories and feelings burned into me and mark me.

I don't want to hurt him. It'll be bad enough that I have to leave and . . . whatever note or message I leave I pray I can explain why I must enough so he does not feel betrayed.

Asuka Langley Soryu, pilot of Eva 02? Hey, after that encounter from that one Angel who . . . .mind raped her I do not know just what she'll do now. She's . . . a broken woman, barely going through the motions right now as it is last I saw. Can't even GET her Eva to move during that last battle with that one Angel who . . .nearly forced me to destroy my OWN Eva in order to avoid being assimilated.

. . .

Though why I couldn't have just ejected . . . no, the psychic connection had become too strong by that time and even physical seperation wouldn't have helped me.

. . .

Hm, wonder if the others in NERV knew that when I'd refused to eject the Entry Plug at the time?

Major Misato Katsuragi, the Operations Director who oversees us during combat?

Uh, I guess. She is very professional at work and I do believe she cares more for doing the right thing than just carrying out orders and such. However . . . that woman has issues at home and . . . maybe a thing for Shinji.

She's twenty nine and he's . . .

. . .

No. No, I'm not being fair to her here. She's adult enough to not do something THAT reckless and foolish, despite the persona she puts on after work...

She's the one.

Reaching into a small compartment on my "plugsuit" (a subadiver swimsuit like affair one wears to minimize interference with the mental bonding to pilot an Eva without (but very nearly doing it in some opinions) sacrificing modesty. If all else fails, com wise on an Eva but one still needs to make contact with HQ . . .

. . .

I am going to have to get something new after this is all done . . .this suit's ragged from what it's gone through here . . .

"I don't suppose you'd object to me at least phoning somebody in NERV to explain some things?" I ask, holding up some coinage for a payphone. "Thitd Impact might still occur if I don't, being with Gendo Ikari still being a loose cannon as we all know by now."

By now they all know either through ME or by Elrondir's rather . . . odd source of knowledge into the shadows of NERV (and my origins).

Chiana

Heh, maybe with that phonecall she can leave behind a little present from me? Kinda help avoid the need of Third Impact and all that would be nice, you know.

. . .

Frell me, to think that a species should have to court something that . . .extreme in order to avoid stagnation and eventual extinction is . . . chilling. I mean the way it's coming about is most . . .mysterious, the declining birthrates here (for reasons unknown). However, if it is true that if at a dead end . . . well, maybe some kind of "detour" is in order here.

This is an evolutionary problem: mankind here in THIS world has evolved to be the master of his environment (well . . . more or less), but he's reached a point where he can't go any further, and appears that means stagnation (and thus death).

To move is to be alive and their boxed into a standstill here in this system. Don't even have the means to really seriously visit their own moon, for God's sake!

If I hadn't seen those Eva units I'd call their whole tech level pathetic! It's . . . just uneven.

So . . .let's give 'em the means of getting OUT of the box and moving again. Sure, it may be disasterous. That's why the Star Trekkers out there have that Prime Directive, to avoid interfering with lower tech cultures in a bad way (intentionally or not). Can see it now how B'Elanna (who'd been . . . .kinda part of Star Fleet in a demented way . . . more like a created person who'd been "programed" to think she'd been part of that group . . . long and demented story) will wince at what I'm gonna do here and . . .

. . .

"YOU'RE doing it too?" I blink, specially prepped PADD with the tech data for a hetch drive (my reality's version of FTL) still only out of a pouch. "I could see Inquirer doing something like this . . . but you?"

"Hey, this situation can't be worse and Star Fleet can't fry me for bending the Prim Directive a . . .Okay, they cannot touch me for breaking it! I'm NOT Star Fleet and never really WAS, when you get down to it."

She mutters something harsh about some Admiral named Janeway . . . something about that particular officer can go . . .er . . . frell herself.

Except for the Fertals and Artizzas (who haven't been around long enough to be able to manage understanding the tech, much less putting it together in a format for ease of use), it turns out . . .all the Champions here have had the same idea. Even our rather slow to adapt and change (read "somewhat old fashion") Victorian over there, Allan!

Oh, it's kind of threadbare what he managed to scrape together from the stuff he had on HIS PDA, but still . . .

Gotta say that I'm almost as put out of sorts about that one as Rei is (if only for different reasons).

"You're giving us stardrives like in Star Trek?" she blinks, several times looking at the PADDs.

"Hey! Don't forget hetch drive," I pout, somewhat put off. "I mean those work too, you know. And they're . . . more easily obtainable than frellin' warp drive. I mean . . .just HOW are these guy's gonna be able to generate enough antimatter to be of use in the quantities needed to really get GOING here?"

"Actually the schematics I provided were nuclear powered," B'Elanna says softly. "Not even up to the Enterprise NX back in the old days of Archer's time, but still . . . Well, then again hetch drive has good things about it too, I'll allow. They'd just manage to inch out those dinosaurs."

. . .

They actually had nuclear powered warp drives?

Frell, I didn't know that.

Well, I'll overlook the slight at hetch drives. When you get down to it, compare a lot of stuff the Millitary and Star Trekkers have access to kind of puts a lot of stuff from Nebari Prime to shame (and we're not exactly backwood hicks, shall we say)....

Allan

"Where no other way out existed for humans but one I hated I now have . . .," the young girl say softly, holding a handful of PADDS in her hands. They begin to shake slightly and when she looks up . . .

It was bound to happen sooner or later . . .I may have only raised a son (who . . . .died later on while treating smallpox as a doctor) . . . long ago, but I'm enough of a parent still know.

This is not an adult but a girl, in many ways still a child . . . and damn circumstance and this bastard known as Gendo for having put her through THIS up to now!

I shall not be held responsible for my actions or guarantee his safety if we should ever meet, face to face....

She's brave and has kept it together up to this point, but . . .when tears start to fall and heaving rack of painful emotions begin, what can I do but hold her? Like a father she never had except in the form of some manipulative . . .?

Mina joins in and we try our best to sooth a girl with a world of pain inside . . .

1. Do you begrudge me . . . us this?

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