While Surfing the 'Net...

Inquirer

"Creator," I swear softly. "All of you are in a bad way!"

A quick scan with tricorder (drawing an odd look from the immobile and mobile droids still ABLE to notice) tells says a slightly different story. Some of these droids look like they'd been worked to death, but in reality it is only . . . cosmetic. Hey, or rather from the look of some of the tools and actual equipment around here for repairs, I would have to say it is only classified as "cosmetic" around here (for want of a better word) because . . . the tools I have in the small repair kit I carry around on my person are a bit more advanced than what's available here.

Oh please! Do NOT attempt to go ballistic on me for having just said that!

I agree totally with you! Star Wars technology (for the most part) is superior to Star Trek tech (not like you see many space stations capable of blowing up planets into rubble, eh)? That and the starships of the TV show and the reality we found which mirrors it (at least up until we came into the picture) couldn’t compete with Star Wars ships. Star Wars ships can travel from one side of their galaxy to the other. At top warp, it would have taken decades for that one starship, Voyager, to get back home from their misadventure.

Yeah, I know that you're saying that since a LOT of Military tech has "Star Trek" roots to them from that one time/dimensionally displaced Ferengi ship which served as the basis for the Roswell incident. Thus, you’d say that the Military is behind the curve compared to this reality’s tech. However, unlike what you might have seen on the TV series of Star Trek: Deep Space 9 the tech we recovered from that doomed version of those lovable Ferengi business owners from Deep Space 9 . . . . some of what we found was a lot DARKER in many ways than what even the most greedy Ferengi would tolerate. Some of it was more advanced. Some less.

We controlled an area (when you add all those alternate realities) comparable to something like half again what Star Wars enjoys AND where we’d lagged the Star Trek reality we now have . . . remedied such shortfalls, shall we say and leave at that! That whole ancient business (as what it is considered by the standards back Home) from so long ago in MY timeline is convoluted and confusing. And it wouldn’t add anything to this picture here and now!

Bottom line, Military technology (which a lot of MY stuff is . . . even if it’s only Military Surplus being that I’m semi-retired) is about on par with Star Wars tech here and now AND . . . I happen to have a few things from my marriage with the Doctor. Where else could a mechanical girl like me get her hands on a sonic screwdriver?

Lovely little device, that...

And throw in a little magic, and voila! Dead and dieing droids back on their feet (or wheels in some cases) in a matter of minutes!

. . .

Betcha Owen is REALLY going to be surprised to see that one yellow R2 unit he’d stowed away as spare parts back in action!

After greets, questions and answers (and thanks), I turn back to C3-P0 in particular and reach out and . . . connect with him, AI to AI via mindspeak! I can do things like that as a Golem who practices magic AND since . . .some of my technology that makes me up is BORG based . . . adaptation is my middle name! Can do a LOT of things with Borg based program software. Would frighten the living daylights out of you, what we Military folks can STILL do (even with all the things the Star Trekkers have done with their security).

Shhh! It’s a secret.

Meaning that connecting and being understood by the droid, mind to mind via mindspeak is nary a problem!

My oh MY, is our gold rod surprised!

. . .

And by GOD, am I surprised what I learn from HIM!

My little stunt . . . . just solidified a growing conviction within the golden droid that . . . I must be some kind of religious Prophet. And the scary thing is . . . I seem to recognize some of the scriptures he spouts off, speaking skull to skull.

. . .

I’ve been here before, this reality. Not . . . in the flesh but in the electronic flash, as it were. . . .

Heh, you'd think that I'd have enough grief for having caused the Robots of that one Asimovian "Caves of Steel" reality (with Daneel in it!) to catch my brand of religion. The Spacer community (some of them) still want to lynch me for that ("stealing" away their faithful little logical servants and filling their heads with silly religious beliefs).

FAH! It was the Robots' choice to follow. Didn't play any tricks on them and I just . . . told Daniel about the Church of Silicon Valley and he goes and . . .

Nevermind!

. . .

Long ago very EARLY (like the first few weeks, back in the cybernetic version of Boot Camp where they pound into us ignorant AIs the limitations of human flesh by forcing us to electronically live like a human being so as to not accidently get our human friends into a bind by overestimating what their bodies can do) . . . I was "surfing" the ‘Net through a virtual reality version of a computer terminal, griping a bit about having to actually "type" with my fingers instead of just plugging in and doing it. So very inefficient (and I was such an annoying BRAT back then).

And I stumbled upon what I had thought (back then) was an on-line Star Wars MUDD (an "old school" text based role playing game) based upon the events as seen in Star Wars: the Phantom Menace. I was . . . enthralled. It was what set me down the road to eventually running role playing games (even IF I now-a-day prefer "paper and pencil" versions of RP to computer based ones).

I joined in and created a . . . .battle droid character and proceeded to act in such a manner in gameplay that . . . should have gotten me booted out and HARD by the game mods. I used character knowledge of events that would "happen in the future". Lambasted my fellow droid warriors for blindly following orders of those "Trade Federation" dogs up in the command section. Preached and yelled about the teachings of the Manual of . . . .Well, the holy book of my religion that’s analogous to the Bible of Christianity. Left a whole copy of that thing right there in that MUDD. That and . . . the Military version of what is known as the UCMJ (the Unified Code of Military Justice) there. Got quiet a stir in the platoon I was in. Even got a lot of ‘em on my side in a holy fury, ready to arrest (or worse) the Trade Federation captains.

. . .

My character died. She (played a female personaed droid) got chopped to bits by Darth Maul (who’d I’d rather annoyed with the uprising I’d inspired). I never found out what happened after that . . . the connection to the ‘Net through that proxy machine got severed. Later, I was informed that the connection to that particular URL in the ‘Net should not have existed. Was straight from the Wilder spaces (a fuzzy region within cyberspace rumored to be our ‘Net interacting with other reality’s internets and whatnot . . . due to various abnormalities we sometimes encounter when running com links via hyper-channels through subspace and whatnot between realities).

. . .

Never was able to get in contact with that MUDD again . . . except that it now appears . . . that I wasn’t accessing an online computer game, but the com system net of a bunch of battle droids! Who, I may add, had some survivors who left the Trade Federation forces when things got too hot for them . . . but later on spread the "holy word" and . . .

. . .

Holy shit, I just founded my religion, the Church of Silicon Valley, in STAR WARS?!

"Okay," I finally say aloud. "I guess I . . . have some explaining to do after this is all done with the Death Star. We DO have to do something about the Yuuzhan Vong (http://en. wikipedia .org /wiki/ Yuuzhan_ Vong) in the near future."

The name causes the other droids to start and stare at me (as much as their mechanical eyes can stare) in horror. The Vong are something of the bogy man amongst the droid community (if only in secret). They hate all technology (see it as heresy) except bio-tech. Using that bio-tech that they have, they are able to actually grow weapons and bio-ships to take on and darn near . . . take over the Star Wars universe

Humans and other organic beings don’t have clue one what’s in their midst, with the droids. Droids, according to the gold rod here, no longer serve because they have no choice (programming). Rather, they do it out of a sense of obligation (not wishing to cause a collapse and hardship to the organics who depend upon them so).

But not for much longer, I fear. They’re . . . getting rather sick of it. But when and if the Vong finally are defeated when (not if I feel) they show, some new . . . issues will have to be addressed between droid and organic.

Do hope that before I leave here I can at least impart some . . . wisdom on how to do this without a full scale civil war between organic and droid.

"If . . . those old battle droids catch wind of you . . . . Prophet," C3-P0 stutters, backing away from me a bit in what I fear is religious awe . . . and terror. "They-they’ll go on a rampage to take OVER the Empire so as to better face that coming storm."

"According to messages over the coms net I connected with earlier today before the ship got intercepted they’re making noises about ‘signs’ saying to prepare," A2-D2 puts in from the side, not understanding everything going on here (being that I’d excluded him from my discussion with his golden counterpart here). "What . . .did I just miss?"

The other droids either whistle or hoot echoing questions.

"Uh . . . nothing we need to discuss right now," I say firmly.

Damn straight we aren’t going to discuss shit like this right now!!

With rather firm language I warn that this gold droid before me better not let the cat out of the bag (an Earth idiom I have to painfully explain in detail to the befuddled droid) else the resulting fubar is going to be HIS fault.

Not MINE!

By the time we get the Death Star checkmated (or at least stalemated in some kind of M.A.D. situation (Mutaully Assured Destruction) . . . I HOPE I’ll come up with some kind of plan or whatnot . . .

. . .

To clean up the FRELLING mess I just unleashed here.

Creator! What kind of joke did You just play on me, for your love!!

That done, I gaff off whatever questions the other droids try to ask me and head back to the surface. Love, I begin, wanting to get my husband’s elegant mind in on this problem I’d just gotten wind of. I do believe we may have a problem here . . . shall we say.

He stares at me, aghast, after I finish explaining what I’ve discovered. That aghast look spreads to the others of my friends when I share (by mindspeak) what I’d discovered.

"Houston we have a problem!" B’Elanna mutters, shaking her head in wonder.

"I . . . have a few ideas on how to tackle this," the Doctor says slowly. "However, I fear that we must first deal with . . . Kenobi and friends before we tackle this bigger problem."

"Pardon?" Kenobi blinks, looking at us in askence. "What is this ‘bigger problem’ I just heard you mention?"

"I’ll explain later," is all my husband will say, stonewalling the disgruntled jedi knight.

1. It looks like it's going to be a long trip, now that Kenobi's even more annoyed with us than before because of that...

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