Creeping Insanity

"Beautiful!" Bill said. "That fashion is all the rage among decadent upper- class circles. Next, I'll return me to normal size, ah, there we go!"

He abruptly shrunk back to normal and said. "Now we need horses, to travel in style. A hoverpavillion would be better, but we don't want to attract undue attention. As they say, when in Rome..."

"Wait, wait just a minute." Fred said, but it was too late as usual. Bill fiddled with the machine and three horses appeared.

At least they seemed like horses at first glance. One of them had the body of a horse and the head of a large dog. It trotted over to Bill, nuzzled him and said "I love you, master." The second horse was actually a giant chicken, which started pecking at the ground for worms, and the third horse came out gruesomely flawed, with most of its innards hanging out. It crawled around for several minutes, begging for someone to kill it, and then it suffocated from a collapsed lung.

"Ah, crap. I guess I'll have to make another one." Bill sighed.

"You just don't get it, do you boy?" Fred said, clubbing him over the back of the head. Bill keeled over, out like a light.

"I can't get out of this outfit!" Astra complained, hopping around on one leg with her hands behind her. "Oh God. Oh God!"

"You killed master." the dog-horse told Fred reproachfully.

"Don't worry, he's still alive." Fred said in distaste. "But now I will have to strip him naked, to make sure he has no more strange devices of that nature."

"Fred, wait." Astra said. "The man is dangerous and anyway we haven't been entirely kind to him (ep.52408, ep.58254). He hasn't really done us any harm, unless any outlying villages suffered from debris. I am a bit remorseful about our conduct, but more importantly I'm starting to get worried for our safety. I think that no one would think ill of us if we left him and went to report all this to our parents."

"I feel bad too, come to think of it." Fred said. "But all the more reason not to leave him like this and go back empty-handed. Left alone, he could be even more of a menace. All wizards depend on their magical implements. Once I take them off him he will be harmless."

"What if touching something on him kills you, or pulls you into a fairy realm?" Astra insisted. "You could be transformed into a squirellfox, doomed to spend five years pulling a giant wheel while fifty years pass outside. Wizards are a matter best left to other wizards."

1. "Have ye need of a wizard then?" laughed a mysterious hooded figure, materializing in front of them.
2. "Bah!" Fred said. "I said I'm going to strip him naked and that is what I'm going to do."
3. Astra convinces Fred to beat a strategic retreat.

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