On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me: A Birdbrain in a Staircase Room

"No, who?"

"Remember Scott Chen? The guy I used to know in high school?"

"You mean the really creepy guy who was constantly staring on my breasts when you somehow convinced me to go you your schol reunion? The one who set fire to your car? That Scott Chen?"

"Well... he's not that bad once you get to know him. No really. He isn't."

"Uh-huh. Yeah. Sure." Sharon nodded sarcastically. "Still, I guess maybe he does get kind of lonely up in that tower. I feel bad for him, a little bit."

"He's got a roommate up there now. His name's Josh Burbank. But you're right, I guess it does get kind of lonely up there. I'll bet this will make his life more interesting." So Jim wrote on the card: "To Scott Chen."

Somewhere (it doesn't matter where) there is a vast, lonely room full of teal couches, with a staircase at its center. Things were a bit different from how they usually were, though. Because soon it was going to be Christmas. The stockings were hung by the staircase with care, since there was no chimney, and Scott had hung up mistletoe all over the room, perhaps overoptimistically.

Scott was making a point of staying away from Josh since Josh was kissing anything and everything that he saw under the mistletoe. Right now he was making out with one of the teal couches. "Josh," said Scott, "why are you making out with a couch? Do I even want to know?"

"Because it's Christmas!" said Josh. "Ho ho ho!"

Scott sighed, shook his head and went back to checking his mail. "Hey, look," he said, "it's some Christmas cards. Here's one from Ayumi, here's one from Miranda, here's one from Paco the Samurai Jelly Bean--don't open that one, it's probably got a bomb in it..."

"Oooh, cool, a bomb!" said Josh.

"No, you can't open it," said Scott. "Remember what happened last time?"

"Who cares?" said Josh. "We always come back from the dead anyway."

"Forget it," said Scott. "Here's one from Jasper and Sara, here's one from Lord Reiabn, here's one from Roland the GUnslinger. Hmmm. This one's from Jim and Sharon."

"Don't open it," said Josh. "They're kind of creepy."

"Coming from you, that's really saying something," said Scott. "Yeah, they're really into transformation and stuff. I mean really into it. But, you know, whatever floats your boat."

"The last time we got a gift from them, I ended up with enormous breasts," said Josh.

"That gift was for me to give to Ayumi. It was your fault you put on the bra," said Scott. "Anyway, I'm kind of bored and there's nothing good on TV, so I think I'll open it." He ripped open the card and read: "On the first day of Christmas, my true love sent to me, a partridge in a pear tree." Then he was surrounded by a cloud of golden energy. Slowly he began to transform into

1. A partridge. He found himself in the branches of Ygdrassil, the World Tree of Norse mythology.
2. A glideri. You know, one of Checkers' species. (If you haven't read any of those episodes, shame on you!)
3. A phoenix.
4. A couch. "That doesn't even make any sense!" said Scott. Then Josh started making out with him.

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