the Plea

The Never Ending Quest - Episode 5145

The scene was grim: there was the Queen and her daughter, there was Bertolo the Court Enchanter, there were the Dukes and Duchesses, the minor Lords and Ladies, and there, on the throne, was the (dead) King. It is not well-known but in Allaria, when a King is slain and the accused pleads forgiveness, the (dead) King must be present. If, at the end of the plea, the (dead) King makes a sign, then the accused is pardoned. If the (dead) King remains stonely still, well, then the accused goes to the gallows. If you know your biology, then you must realize that very few who plead with a (dead) King actually get off free. Yet Fred was going to try it.

He began, "I, Lord Frederigo--"

"EX-Lord," said Duke Huffington.

"I, Ex-Lord Frederigo D'Honaire--"

"You're NO son of mine!" growled Duke D'Honaire.

"I, Ex-Lord Frederigo, born in Suffex and Knight of--"

"Not any more!" yelled the (dead) King's honor-guard (40 of the bravest and toughest knights this side of the Carpath).

Fred breathed in, "I, Ex-Lord Frederigo, born in Suffex and Ex-Knight of the Great Kingdom Allaria do so plead with the King of this fair land to have pity on me a poor, bad, deficient, mortified, humble, bad, meek, simple, bad, unpretentious, unassuming, unostentatious, very bad, degraded, and very, very bad servant of the great, large, big, illustrious, very big, vast, enormous, important, prominent, very, very huge, famed, dignified, famous, majestic, very, very, very grand, and august Kingdom of our good, vital, very nice, cool, liked, loved, very, very pleasant, good-humoured, handsome, thoughtful, very, very, very cordial and friendly King Emry. Please!"

Now, Fred's plea had taken so long that during his own degradation of himself and the exultaion of the Kingdom and the King, one of the courtiers had gotten a sneeze into his left nostril. He tried to hold it, he tried to sniff it out, yet even as Fred was finishing his plea, the courtier let out with a good-sized Aaaaaaachhhooooooooooo!!!! Someone in that room said "ghesundheit" (which in their language means "may you live long and not need to visit with the rhinoplaster when your soul flies away like the butterflies"). Now the reason this is all brought up is that when the crowd turned back from the sneeze to face Fred they all saw him with mouth wide open staring at the body of the (dead) King.

"Oh...my....god!" said the (dead) King's daughter.

Lo and behold the head of the (dead) King had somehow dislodged itself and was now face down in the (dead) King's lap. The (dead) King had given his sign, and now Fred was forgiven! And if you don't believe me, just look it up in Lord Ripley Scott's Almanac of Things You Should Know (the year 806).

  1. Three years later...

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5/20/2000 7:27:48 PM

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