Sammasty - Feline Mistress of the Bleedin'-Well Obvious

"I suppose you have put me back here in the hope that it will return me to my previous state." Sammasty observes. "It will not."

Fred eyes the creature warily, unsure of what to do.

"Now you are eyeing me warily, unsure of what to do!" the cat purrs.

Fed up with having his intentions second-guessed by a feline which twenty seconds ago was little more than a bauble, Fred at last finds his tongue:

"Good Lady Cat, I apologise if I have offended you. I am Sir Frederigo D'Honnaire and I am on a quest to slay the dragon which lives in these caves. I-"

"So, you are on a quest to slay the dragon?" the cat interrupts.

"Err, yes. I was told by the wizard Belboz that in this branch of the caves I would find companions who would be able to assist me in my quest and I believe that yonder damsel -"

"The wizard Belboz, eh?"

"What? Yes, Belboz. Anyway . . . where was I?"

"You believe yonder damsel - "

Fred waits for the cat to continue. Sammasty, for once, is content to observe Fred silently. A pause ensues.

"Pray continue, Lady Cat." Fred urges.

"My name is not 'Cat', nor am I a lady. My name is Sammasty." the cat replies rather testily. "And I will not continue because I have nothing to continue. You asked me where you were in your story, so I repeated your tale word for word until the point at which you stopped."

Fred's face is a complete blank

"Apologies, Lady C- Sammasty. Now, w-where was I?" he mumbles feebly.

"Bast give me strength!" Sammasty mutters almost inaudibly. "You believe yonder damsel - "

Another pause, then: "Ah! That's it! I believe yonder damsel is one of the companions whom I must free so that they can join me in my quest!"

"You believe yonder damsel is one of the companions whom you must free so that they can join you in your quest?"

"Err, yes. I do."

"Then free her!"

"How!"

"How?"

"Yes, how?"

"Hmm I don't know," the cat replies sarcastically, "perhaps by pulling this ruby- studded lever?"

"Thank you, La - thank you!"

"Really, knights these days. And to think he is the best in the kingdom. . ."

Fred now grabs the lever. "Up or down?" he asks.

Sammasty is becoming increasingly agitated: "UP OR DOWN! By Hecate! 'Up or down?' he asks. 'Up or down?'!"

"Well?"

"'Well?'?"

"UP or DOWN?"

Both protagonists are by now at their respective wits' ends (which in Fred's case is a much shorter journey).

"Well, Sir Frederigo D'Honnaire, let me make this simple: in which position is the lever currently?"

"Umm, up?"

"Up. Well, then, in what direction do you think the lever needs to be moved next?"

"Err, down?"

"Give the knight an hourglass ! Then pull it down and see what happens!"

The by now completely-rattled Sir Fred grasps the lever and begins to push it upward, but before Sammasty can comment he has reversed direction and pulls it down.

1. the maiden regains consciousness as the ruby surrounding her vanishes
2. the ruby fades and disappears - and so does the maiden. "An illusion!" gasps Fred
3. the silver spider's web descends, growing larger as it does so
4. Nothing happens. Let the recriminations begin!

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