Angels are Crying

The Never Ending Quest - Episode 48612

The first person Josh warns is the little boy made of stone, that’s pissing in someone’s lawn. Next, he tells the boy’s friend, a little lawn gnome.

The rowdy little lawn gnome guffaws, hurting Josh’s feelings. “No shit, Sherlock!” it scoffs. “It’s a glorious new age. An age of shoving your face full of food without ever having to leave the comfort of your home or feel guilty about not tipping the delivery boy better.”

“Or in my case, not tipping him at all,” Josh says offhandedly, mostly to himself. “But it all seems so...excessive.”

The lawn gnome shrugs. “Welcome to America.”

Josh takes some more Prozac. “Well...isn’t it kind of expensive to maintain a fast food restaurant in one’s own house?”

The lawn gnome rolls it’s eyes. “Uh, ya it’s expensive,” it says smugly. “That’s why it’s paid for by the Space Invaders.”

Spouts of steam issue from Josh’s ears and his eyes pop out of head his briefly, while his tongue elongates unnaturally and drops all the way to the ground. The sidewalk tastes like Scott’s cooking; cold and gritty with just a hint of urine. “WHAT!?” he bursts. “You’ve got to be kidding!”

But the gnome holds it’s ground - in more way then one, being it’s a decorative lawn gnome. “Nope. It’s the Space Invaders,” it persists, crossing it’s arms proudly. “They’re fattening everyone up. Humans are a delicacy to them. Especially us plump Americans, spending hours cooped up and consuming enough food per individual person to feed an entire country in Africa. We’re like veal to them. Well, you are. I’m just a lawn gnome. Actually, we lawn gnomes will be making out the best out of everyone. When the smoke subsides and the rubble is cleared, we lawn gnomes will rule the Earth like we did back in the days of Moses.”

“Uh...alrighty,” Josh stammers. “Whatever you say. How long ‘til the Space Invaders get here?”

The gnome shakes it’s head. “Their scouts are already here. As far as the main armada goes...could be an hour from now, could be a year from now. But sooner or later, they’ll be here to feast on your sweet flesh.”

Josh glares at the gnome suspiciously. “Hey, how do you know so much about the Space Invaders anyway!?”

The gnome answers:

  1. "Because."
  2. "Now that you mention it, I have no idea," it confesses.
  3. Option 3 replaces option 4 as the option that isn't. There is no option 3, in other words. Yes, I know I'm stupid but so are you.
  4. "Because the flamingo," the gnome gestures at the tacky pink lawn ornament, "never lies."

Add New Option

Go Back

View Forward Story Tree
View Back Story Tree

Lost Soldier

1/20/2005 7:43:36 AM

Linking Enabled

Extending Enabled

The Never Ending Quest Home

Extend-A-Story Home

24914112 episodes viewed since 9/30/2002 1:22:06 PM.

Do not click me.