A Turn for the Better (Maybe)

"Hmmm," said Rassilon, in his deep, funereal tones. "I... don't think so."

"Wait!" said Josh in his somewhat squeaky fox voice. Rassilon turned his skeletal head almost 180 degrees to look at him. "Um, I wasn't even in this crazy dimension when you got the letter from him, right? You could scan my mind or something and see if I'm telling the truth."

"Memories can be tampered with, especially by dark powers," said Rassilon. "But you are right. I shall look into your mind." Rassilon stared into him with his empty black eyes. It was a dark, chilling stare, and Josh felt as if his skin would literally crawl off. But after a short time, Rassilon turned his head away to its former position. "He seems to be telling the truth," he said. "You were not the only ones who entered my lair. A group of Eternal Champions, who the letter said were false, had entered the Death Zone. I turned them into stone, as I had many of my enemies who had sought to claim my power over the centuries. It seems I was mistaken concerning them, and this Agent Strange was powerful enough to fool even me. Come." The shadows seemed to deepen in one corner of the room, and Rassilon stepped into it. Mike, Mikey, and Josh followed uneasily.

Passing through the absolute darkness of the shadows, they soon found themselves in a vast cathedral room whose stones were made of pure obsidian. Terrifying statues stood on alcoves on the walls. Above the room towered a stained glass window with a circular abstract symbol in it, the room's only source of light. Around an altar on which lay an coffin with the same symbol etched in gold on top were eight marble statues. Rassilon turned toward the altar and, raising his hand, spoke an eldritch word of power. Light cascaded through him and crackled into the statues. They radiated light for a moment, and then became flesh.

Mike couldn't help but stare in awe at the display. This whole experience had been beyond his wildest dreams. The realization finally hit him that he was here in Rassilon's tomb, the very place he'd dreamed of finding since he was a child in a backwater parallel Earth that had been made barren by the Enemy/ Alliance war. For a moment, he felt a twinge of sadness, as he wondered what he'd do with his life after this. But he became filled with awe again as he looked on the eight people.

The one standing in front was an old guy in dandyish clothing. He looked kind of silly, but he had this incredible magnetic presence. He could only be one person--the Doctor. Mike practically fainted with joy. This couldn't be happening! This was the most legendary hero in all the worlds he'd managed to visit, the same guy who was constantly mentioned in the work of Travers and the diaries of Summerfield--it was him! That alone would have been enough, but then there were the two couples standing in front of him. They were short and almost childlike, but dignified and graceful. Mike could have sworn they were elves! And weirdly enough, that female one on the left looked kind of like that chick from that one Star Trek series--not the hot one with a sparkly jumpsuit or the captain but the other one, the half-Klingon one. And to top it all off, there was some rennaisance-faire type guy who looked vaguely like a William Shakespeare.

And then there were the three human women. One of them was an incredibly fit brown-haired woman who looked kind of like a ren-faire Sigourney Weaver except with this weird gemstone on her head. She was standing next to the older man-- maybe she was his daughter or something? The other two were standing next to each other and looked a hell of a lot like Velma and Daphne from Scooby-Doo. Velma was pretty cute herself (Mike had always had a thing for women in glasses, for reasons that probably had something to do with deep-seated issues with his mother) but Daphne was the most luscious thing he'd seen in years. "Sweet!" he exclaimed under his breath.

"What is the meaning of this!" shouted the Doctor. "We had just been timescooped into Gallifrey [9888] and then suddenly we ended up here! Who are you and what do you want with us?"

"I am Rassilon, and I was lead to believe by an evil cosmic being that you were enemies." He then explained what had happened.

The Doctor nodded wearily. "It seems that somehow life always becomes more complicated than one would hope. We'll have to wait on that vacation for a bit, Inquirer." She smiled affectionately at him. Mike began to suspect that this woman was dating him. It was disappointing, but if she liked older men there was nothing wrong with--wait a minute, this woman was dating the Doctor? Well, he'd figure out how the hell that happened later, and Daphne was still free.

"I guess I should introduce myself," said Mike, proudly. "I am Michael Cunningham, adventurer extraordinaire. But you can call me Mike." He flashed a dazzling smile in the direction of Daphne. "This is my erstwhile sidekick, Josh, and this is my adoptive son, Little Mikey--he's a hyperintelligent btelloid rocifer, so don't mess with him."

"I'm not really his sidekick," said Josh. "I just met him a few hours ago." Mike wasn't pleased with this, but he was sure he'd already managed to charm the pants off of Daphne.

"Hello Josh, Mike, Little Mikey, I am the Doctor and these are my friends Inquirer, Gilmuriel, Elrondir, B'elanna, Sigin, Betty, and Ragan," said the Doctor, indicating Ripley, the four elves (So the one who looked like the chick from Voyager really was her or something? Weird.), Shakespeare, Daphne, and Velma.

Mike began to ponder how best to approach Daphne... Er, Ragan, or whatever her name is. He decided that it wouldn't hurt to be direct and to the point. "Hey baby!" he said to Ragan. "You wouldn't be single, would you?"

"Um, yeah, I guess so," said Ragan, as politely as she could manage.

Betty was giggling, causing Ragan to glare daggers at her. "You know, we're counterparts of the same person," said Betty. "And she really looks like me. She was put into that form by an insane cosmic being to make people think she was one of the Twins of Doom."

"Oh," said Mike. Then again, he'd dated women who'd gotten implants or even altered their own Matrixes before. It wasn't what you had, after all, it was what you did with it. "Whatever. So you are single, Ragan?"

"I'm sorry, but I really don't like superficial men."

Little Mikey sniffled, and a tear ran down his furry cheek. "Why don't you like my mommy?" he said.

"Mommy?" said Ragan. "Um, it's not your fault, little guy. Really." The hyperintelligent btelloid rocifer seemed really sweet. It was a shame he'd latched onto Mike as parent. He'd probably need to see a psychiatrist once he became an adult. "Let's change the subject. Please."

"Yes, let's," said Betty. She turned to the Doctor. "Is that supposed to be Rassilon?" she whispered.

"I don't understand it either," whispered Inquirer. "I was under the impression that the Time Lords didn't have much to do with magic. Rassilon was their founder, right? I sure as hell didn't picture him as some kind of barrow-wight."

"Well, this isn't my reality, nor is it exactly like the television series mirroring my life that Betty and Ragan are familiar with. I doubt the BBC could have come up with a set like this."

"I am no lich," said Rassilon. "I employ no magic. I have simply chosen to keep my original body alive with nanotechnology for sentimental reasons. And I also was not responsible for time-scooping you to Gallifrey, Doctor. That was the work of a traitor who has since been undone by his own designs."

"What about those demons out there!" screamed Josh.

"They are simply products of a science you cannot understand," said Rassilon. "At any rate, thank you for reaching me before I could do any serious damage." Well, there had been that fleet of Daleks that he'd transported to the Terra Prime universe under the letter's instructions, but the Champions could take care of that later.

1. "I have been able to follow the energy signature of the being who gave me that letter. It is hiding in a pocket dimension near here, to which I will send you. The letter I was supposed to have been given is also located in this dimension."
2. "Unfortunately, I am unable to discern the whereabouts of either the individual who decieved me or the true letter."

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