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...who wore a plaid skirt and smelt of whiskey, muttering to himself
unintelligibly. Although his face was obscured with blue paint, Miguel
was an avid fan of the movie Los Adventuros Loco de Jesus Cristo -
or as we know it, The Passion of the Christ - and recognized him
immediately. He adjusted his sombrero and approached his hero with slow but purposeful strides. “Hola, Senior Gibson,” he began. “My name es Miguel Sanchez, eet es an honor to meeeet you, Senior. I was wondereeng eef maybe you could tell me what the Hell ees going on. I didn’t drink THAT much Tequila for breakfast, you know, vato?” Gibson’s eyes bulged in anger. “My name’s William Wallace!” he declared with a fake Scottish accent. “I know not of this ‘Gibson’ you speak of! What I do know is we must unite the clans if we hope to have victory o’er the English!”The bandito raised his hands into the air and started running around in circles, like some kind of chicken with it's head cut off. “AY CARAMBA!” he screamed. “Mel Gibson no tiene pantalones y no es bueno en la cabeza!” Indeed, Miguel. Indeed.Next, our beloved Mexican stereotype sought answers from the unfriendly man in the horizontally-striped pullover who was eating garlic and reading philosophy. “Hola, Sen...” “Eat shit and die, wetback,” the man sneered. Miguel pulled his sombrero down and did the motions to the Macarena as a sentimental throwback to the ‘90s. “DONDE ESTA EL BANO!?” he exclaimed.Finally, without further ado, he approached the other Scottish dude, the one with the red beard, who also wore a plaid skirt... “Now, wait just a minute!” the man objected. “Just because I wear a kilt and happen to have a red beard you just assume I’m Scottish!”Uh, ya... “That’s racial profiling! You’re being a stereotypical American!”Right on cue, several slick-looking D.A.R.S. agents rushed into Lost Soldiers's meager dwelling and clubbed him over the head. He sooned joined the others in the holding cell. Shit.
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9/21/2004 3:52:10 PM
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