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Fred cursed inwardly. He had never been so nervous before in his life, not even when facing
the monsters he had had to kill, perhaps not even upon his initiation as Dragonslayer. He
had felt uneasy ever since he'd been transformed into a man-animal, a form he'd been in for
less than a day. The strange new perceptions that had been opened up to him made him
feel slightly dizzy. And then, he'd... he'd... He'd given into his animal lusts, he'd
dishonored himself, he'd used a woman selfishly as an instrument of pleasure, he'd broken
the sacred laws of God, he'd sired illegitimate children! Of course, there would be no shame
upon the father among noblemen for such things back home, but that merely made Fred all
the more angered. He'd thought he was better than that!
And what kind of a woman was Alicia for not wanting to marry him, for bringing dishonor upon their children? Did she hold honor and God in contempt? How could she have gotten him to--no, he must not hold anger against her for what she had done, for what he had done. He bore as much responsibility as her for what had happened, if either of them truly bore responsibility for it. And to be honest, he couldn't bring himself to hate her. Fred had thought that Astra might have made a good match for him, but she had nothing on Alicia. She was so beautiful, so vibrant, so compassionate, so enchanting... "You look lost in thought," said the rough voice of Loam teasingly. "I wonder what you're thinking of?" "Oh--er," said Fred. "Hello Loam. Is--did she make it?" Fred looked through the crowd of manimals that had gathered here. He noticed that most were dancing only with members of their own species. Several fox women were looking at him interestedly, but he did not see the bright eyes of his--of Alicia. "She was here a minute ago," said Loam. "She said that she thought she'd heard something outside and went out to investigate it. She hasn't come back yet, but I didn't hear any sounds of struggle or anything, so she's probably out enjoying the night air." It was indeed a beautiful night, cool and clear. Fred only wished he could ignore the waning moon that loomed overhead. "Alright. I'll go look for her. Er, could you come with me?" said Fred. "Nope. I've got to watch over things here, and besides, there's someone who wants to have a dance with me." Loam smiled wryly. "You're on your own, kid. Anyway, you nobles often aren't great dancers. You'd be surprised Even Alicia is only starting to do it well." Fred seemed shocked. "But she's so graceful and--" Loam laughed. "Even she's not perfect, Fred. You've got to stop putting women on pedestals. Trust me, kid, I've been there. If you're going to love Alicia, you'll have to love her as a human being. Well, you know what I mean. Damn, even I haven't gotten out of that way of thinking, after all this time..." "You sound quite articulate for a commoner, Loam. Er, no offense." "Well, I've been learning a few things too. Even if none of us knows how to read. That just makes it all the more important for knowledge to be passed on orally, so that even if we never escape the island..." "We will escape the island!" said Fred vehemently. "We will. I am a D'Honaire, and I have sworn to kill the vile wyrm, so I will do so no matter what the cost!" "If you say so. But you've got another quest right now." Loam nudged Fred roughly. "Go get 'er, tiger." "But I'm a fox, not a--oh, never mind." Fred walked uneasily into the night. His heartbeat quickened with every step. He could hear all the sounds and smell all the smells of the night with infinitely more clarity than he had as a human. Among the mingled scents, he picked out that of his love Alicia coming from the forest nearby. It was so vibrant, so intoxicating--he could really experience other beings as a man-fox more fully than he could as a human, and he loved it, and in his heart of hearts he was ashamed of that. As he followed her scent deep into the forest, all but enraptured, he heard a noise.
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8/20/2004 7:48:57 PM
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