The Adventures of Lava Man
The Never Ending Quest - Episode 43357
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“Let go with a warning,” Lava Man chortled as he made his way out of the
pub and into the cool night. “Like they could have actually enforced any
of their puny human laws on me! Bwuhahaha!” It was then that he realized he was now the main character of the story, something he’d always wished for as far back as his molten memory went. Somehow he’d expected it to be...different. But everything seemed just as normal as it always did, even under the limelight. It was kind of depressing. So Lava Man did what he always did when depressed...he burned stuff. Thirty minutes later, the Village of Gotham was a smoldering heap of ash. The piercing cries of the villagers’ anguish seemed to still echo through the dark midnight air. He smiled. He felt much better.But now what? Oh sure, burning stuff gave his life some meaning, but wasn’t there something more? Some greater goal to his existence? The short answer was simply: NO. “And I’m okay with that,” he reassured himself. “I’m me. The Lava Man. I do what I do, and I do a damn good job at it. Yeah. Everything’s just fine.” Even so, several weeks later Lava Man found himself in the waiting room of noted therapist Dr. Wolfgang Von Dorfendervlepterschnegen, casually flipping through the latest issue of Pyromaniac Weekly. He glanced up at the clock and realized he’d been waiting for over an hour now.He approached the lady at the desk. “Excuse me,” he said, interrupting her ‘work’, which apparently consisted of doing nothing at all and....doing absolutely nothing at all. “I set up this session a week ago and yet I’ve been waiting here for more than an hour now. I’m a busy man with a busy itinerary with things to burn and people to burn and appointments to burn stuff and appointments to burn up appointments to burn stuff and...I’ve just got issues, okay!? I’ve got serious issues that need to be dealt with!” The secretary, a pretty woman in her mid-twneties, shrugged. “We’ve all got issues, okay!? Dr.Von Dorfendervlepterschnegen has a full schedule today. He gives every one of his patients the full attention they deserve, and sometimes this means his sessions go on longer than expected. I’m sure you expect the very same from him when it’s your turn.” “I DON’T THINK YOU HEARD ME, LADY,” Lava Man responded, forming a fireball in his hands. “I’VE GOT ISSUES! I BURN THINGS! I BURN EVERYTHING! I NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP, AND I NEED IT NOW! LET ME MAKE THIS SIMPLE FOR YOU. SHOW ME TO THE DOCTOR THIS INSTANT, OR WILL INCENERATE YOU. Okay?”The lady seemed unaffected by the threat. “Take a seat and the doctor will see you shortly,” she curtly replied. Lava Man pouted. “Fine,” he conceded. “But I’m serious. I really will set your entire body ablaze if I’m forced to endure much more of this crap.”“Of course you will,” she smiled, and went back to doing nothing.
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Lost Soldier
7/12/2004 10:44:59 PM
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